Day Two: Self Worth and Other People, My and Other’s Opinions, Porn, Secret Mind

Since returning back home in Hong Kong, the resident dog, Snowy, was more friendly than usual to me, as if I had changed for the better.  As she was more friendly with me, I caught myself looking at her for her approval to approve of myself.  Such that if she were to reject me, I would subsequently reject myself.  I am not yet seeing myself in the dog in front of me; I am not yet living as one and equal to the image manifestation of the dog, and not yet living as one and equal to the traits I give the dog power to bestow upon me: self-trust and self-love.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am separate from animals like Snowy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to seek approval from the dog to ‘gain’ approval from myself, instead of realising that I gift self-approval, NOT the dog.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define me according to a dog’s actions and the idea of self-trust and self-love I impose on a dog’s actions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that any action, including a dog’s, is just an action: no ideas exist in any action.  If there are, it means  I am still iving as a belief and still defining myself according to something outside of me.

I forgive myself for fearing the potential that I may not allow and accept self-trust and self-love as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am ‘powerless’ to allow and accept myself to live within and as self-trust and self-love, one and equal.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live within and as self-trust and self-love unconditionally.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I ‘need’ others approval to approve of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am separate from self-trust and self-love.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to consider that I will exist one and equal with all if I would only allow and accept myself to, and staying silent and ’empty’ as a result.

I forgive myself for defining me according to a picture manifestation as a dog’s gaze on me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that I am the dog, living within and as it One and equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self-trust and self-love one and equal with me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live self-trust and self-love within and as these traits, one and equal.

__________
Then at one point, I was talking to someone about relationships when she asked me whether I missed the dog while I was in Canada for vacation, then reprimanded me for not missing my parents when they died, and then asked me about how I would feel when I ‘have’ a girlfriend in a ‘romantic’ relationship.  I informed her that I was extremely uncomfortable with the idea that because of a ‘good feeling’ I have with a particular girl, I would do more for her than I would for those around me.  I also told her how ‘loving’ a girl – falling in love with a girl – would lead me to hate those around me, if I ever compared my ‘love’ for ‘that girl’ and ‘those around me.’  She agreed.  I was startled and reactions sprung up like fireworks: an ego boost, “Of course I am right”, “Oh my god she agreed with me”, “What a weirdo she is for agreeing with me”

I forgive myself for defining me according to the validity of the opinions I support and defend.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must ‘defend’ common sense, which are opinions from another person’s perspective.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must ‘argue’ and ‘assert’ common sense through manipulating words to sound profound or beautiful to con-vince the other person.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that common sense stands absolute as the core of everything, therefore it cannot be destroyed, only suppressed as self-deception in another person or myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that I am common sense, living within and as it, one and equal, as a living expression of the phrase common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live the expression ‘common sense.’

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be one and equal with common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I have myself to ‘defend’ from others.

I forgive myself not allowing and accepting myself to realise that there is no ‘I’ that needs to be defended, and that who I really am is invulnerable to verbal and physical attack so that I need not defend myself any longer.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that opinions define me, such that if an opinion is supported by others = I am supported.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that ONLY I support myself as self-support; support, defined as other people’s support, does not actually exist.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that only self-support actually exist.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation between me, other people, my opinions and others opinions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that me, other people, my opinions and other’s opinions are existing one and equal with each other as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must judge another to see what another is.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that judging another is really me judging myself because my beliefs are reflected back to me from that other person.

__________
I thought I had transcended this point so I tested by watching porn again, only to find out I allowed and accepted ideas and imaginations to possess me.  I willingly submitted to the ‘hope’ of a extremely good feeling for imagining myself in the place of the man fucking the girl.  It’s all imaginary and does not exist in reality.  What a fuck-up I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I will get an extremely good feeling by following the thought of fucking the girl I see as an image manifestation.

I forgive myself for not realising that thoughts are NEVER real, and so are irrelevant to gaining pleasure from them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I can only get some apparently ‘extremely good feeling’ only through wanking with porn, instead of realising that I am enslaving myself by desiring this extremely good feeling.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that porn = pleasure, instead of realising that porn = thoughts = separation = enslavement/limitation = self-destruction.  Porn = self-destruction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I fervently desire this ‘extremely good feeling’ I can only get through wanking off with porn.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define me according to the pleasure I experience.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate pleasure from me, making me less than pleasure.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live within and as pleasure, one and equal living expression.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that there are physical consequences that I will face for raping the Physical to power mind consciousness systems.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand within and as porn, one and equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I can ‘hide’ in secrecy while wanking off with porn and face no consequence because I am hiding in secrecy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am able to hide parts of myself, instead of realising that all is revealed in the Physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to consider that ‘tricking’ MCS as other people is a viable possibility, instead of realising that other people only reflect back to me who I have accepted and allowed myself to become.  If I ‘trick’ other people, I am tricking myself because I hide my perverted beliefs from me in tricking other people.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fucked-up nonsense based on dreamt-up beliefs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act in self-interest: wanting that extremely good feeling, instead of realising that I am all and being responsible for all, I must act in consideration of what is best for ALL.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that I am responsible for everything that I experience and what others experience with me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that the only thing that can be trusted is breath and background noises.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain in breath while facing points of heavy resistance, such as this porn point

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down when I encounter points of resistance within myself, such as this porn point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the porn point to compound in emotional charge by participating in it: resisting the image manifestations as naked bodies.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I compound the emotional charge of a thought by resisting, or acting upon the thought.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that to cease emotionally compounding a thought, I need only remain here, unswayed in breath, dieing in every moment for a new beginning, embracing what is presented to my physical senses.

_________
When someone knocked on the door, I leapt in fear.  I had no detail of what I was fearing then.  Looking back, I feared that which entered my ‘secret room’/’secret mind’, represented as the physical room I am in.  I feared what this ‘outsider’ may find in this secret mind that I have allowed and accepted to exist.  Even though I know that nothing is hidden in the Physical; everything is revealed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the secret mind to exist through participating in it in ‘secret places’ like my mind and my room.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that all is revealed in the Physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that an ‘outsider’ actually exists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that there are things ‘better left obscured’ in my secret mind, than have other people know these atrocious thoughts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide that which I judge as disgraceful and unpresentable to other people.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge who I have accepted and allowed to become, reflected through thoughts emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for fearing rejection.

I forgive myself for fearing ridicule.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that rejection adn ridicule will ‘dent’ my self-worth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that rejection and ridicule will only dent my self-worth if I allow and accept it to.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand within and as rejection and ridicule one and equal with them, such that I cannot be subject to them anymore.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that my deliberately hidden’  thoughts are ‘shameful.’

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to gift myself the opportunity to release these atrocious thoughts as hidden thoughts by being self-honest about it to myself.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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