Day Three: Work and Play, Romantic Interest/Crush, Escapism thru Stimulation, Time

Woke up at 3.20 a.m., and then watched some TV on the thought that “hey, it’s too early to do some productive work.  Let’s numb our senses and feel good watching TV.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that the early morning is unsuitable for work.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that work and play are separate, and that I cannot unite the two together, instead of realising that I determine whether something is work or play.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that TV makes me feel good, instead of realising that watching TV has become a permission slip for me to have me feel comfortable.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have me feel comfortable unconditionally.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify with an opinion as that thought, “hey, it’s too early to do some productive work.  Let’s numb our senses and feel good watching TV.””

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to feel comfortable in the sheer simpicity of breathing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach to desires when I embody the breath to a greater extent.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I do not want to work, I only want to play.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that work is ‘bad’ and thus something I inherently hate to do.

I forgive myself for fearing work.

I forgive myself for defining me according to the amount of play I have.

I forgive myself for imposing ideas of desire to the word ‘play.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must desire/want/need to self-direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that awareness ‘leaves’ when I allow and accept myself to be mind-possessed, instead of realising that I was aware the whole time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must attain some stage in process, instead of realising that I attain that stage in every moment, NOT by wishing to be at that stage.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that work and play are one and equal expressions from the same source.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to just breathe through it.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to question my starting point in every moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting other things to affect the state of my existence.

__________
Then I went to breakfast at a cafe and the person serving was a girl.  Everything was cool, one and equal until I looked at her and she looked at me in the eyes.  After that event, thoughts popped up: “Oh my God.  I looked at her in the eyes.”  “What the hell am I supposed to do in a situation like this?!” “Does looking in the eyes mean I’m falling in love with her?” And I frequently glanced at her direction since then.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that looking in someone’s eyes and seeing something = love/attraction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that looking into someone’s eyes is ‘special.’

I forgive myself for fearing other people’s eyes.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the habit of frequently glancing at girls I think I like.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate me from image manifestations as girls.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that the urge to ‘sneak a peek’ is not my urge, and is actually a program running.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must do something ‘special’ when I encounter resistance in the here moment, instead of realising I only need to breathe as self-honesty and self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that girls are better than me, a guy.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that men and women are one and equal.

_________
After having breakfast, thought: “I’m full.  I shouldn’t be doing work when I’m full.  Let’s have a break by numbing my awareness playing video games.  THEN I’ll do some work.” That break lasted for three hours.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting feeling resistance towards the word ‘work’.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I cannot ‘work as well’ when I am full.

I forgive myself for not allowing adn accepting myself to realise that I cannot ‘numb my awareness’ in reality.

I forgive myself for fearing boredom.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am interested in video games.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach ideas of pleasure and want/need/desire onto the phrase ‘video game.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the feeling of reluctance as my own when I switch from work to play.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that I do not desire, want or need anything.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to organise my time in terms of future mind placements, instead of managing every moment here in breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting procrastination as part of me and as my own.

I forgive myself for allowing accepting procrastination in my experience.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that procrastination is based on an idea and therfore is not real.

_________
Now I’m at work.  WORKING.  Working on my personal statement for admissions to university, and at some point during the working, thought: “Gosh I’ve been working for ___ hours.  Aren’t I getting sick and tired of work?  I should be sick and tired after working for so long.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that after x period of work, I must feel tired because I must make an effort to work.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must make a strenuous effort to work.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify with emotions and feelings of tiredness, fed-up-ness, and sleepiness with the justification of working x period of time.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that work is play and play is work.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand within and as work one and equal to its expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that shoulds and have-to’s are a self-expression.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that shoulds and have-to’s reveal my starting point in an idea of obligation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within the linear expression of time, instead of living moment-by-moment, releasing any creations from any past moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think in terms of time, instead of in terms of who I am here.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
This entry was posted in Daily Writings 30 Days and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Day Three: Work and Play, Romantic Interest/Crush, Escapism thru Stimulation, Time

  1. juneroca says:

    Really Cool Kasper.
    Enjoyed.

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