Today a resident fly at the place where I’m staying in Canada reminded me of myself.
Since being sick – and staying in the house for a couple of days – I had the opportunity again to establish a point of self-comfortability, as a form of silence where I stop judging myself or focusing on others, in an attempt to compare myself to the living examples of other people.
In the past, I shied away from being comfortable because almost every time that I finally reached a state of calm = I would fall complacent. I did not appreciate this of myself, so I constantly drove myself to a certain level of discomfort with the world, and especially with myself, because I knew that if I was comfortable = I would not do jack shit.
Well I reached that comfortable state again, at home, only to have a certain fly ‘touch down’ on the tissue box next to me, and then he/she just stayed there, absolutely still. So still that I wondered whether it died on the tissue box, while resting.
He/she did was not dead.
More importantly, the fly’s absolute stance reflected back to me what I was actually inflicting on myself: within the comfortability, I separated myself from the whole and lied comfortably in my personal mental oasis of sorts. Just another delusion, and at the same time I could immediately see how I was abusing Life; how couldn’t I, when I deliberately separated myself from the rest of Existence, just to live comfortably on a cloud?
Which also reminded me of the other moments where I separated myself from other Existences:
For one, I had a phase where I categorized people as ‘Desteni’ or not. And created this energetic entity called Desteni, and abusing the participation of the group, to believe that ‘if I screw up, don’t worry’ = Desteni will protect me. This is not so – we are all just human beings looking for practical ways to live on this planet, and express ourselves. Desteni are a group of human beings that are investing their time into self-perfection, mathematically tracking their progress, while the majority are spending their time on entertainment, and on making more money at whatever cost.
What this entire event made me realise is that while I am alone, I am alone within a greater context; I am not only responsible for my own actions and my own life, I am responsible for Life itself therefore everyone that suffers = it is also my responsibility. The self-comfortability is not here as an excuse as back door to disregard and ignore the world while it slowly implodes upon itself; self-comfortability is a tool with which I may more effectively direct myself within the world, thereby direct myself as the world itself. Because every action has consequences, no matter how small the action may seem.
So here I am redefining self-comfortability as a tool of self-support, to support myself within enabling myself to flow through the lessons to-be learnt here, and to expand and take more responsibility for the entire world, until it is done and I am in-fact SELF-responsible. Stressing or straining within/as the Mind only supports that which is already destroying this world, which is consciousness as the obsession that mankind must face or else self-destruct.
In every moment, I may either make myself uncomfortable and support that which is destroying myself as Life itself, or accept and allow myself to be comfortable with what I have accumulated and direct from what is real, to create Heaven on Earth.