Thoughts/emotions/feelings all collectively outline an absolutely specific mathematical equation that translates into daily habits and patterns of living. For example I have been resisting the idea of waking up early in the morning to start the day, and that is a direct consequence of accepting and allowing myself to continue participating in various thoughts/emotions/feelings that create a logical structure to justify myself and see myself as just/a good person.
Whether right or wrong, good or bad, I have always wanted to ultimately be a good person. So within the polarity construct of believing myself to be constantly and consistently wrong WITHOUT ever realising it for countless moments, I feel a sincere duty to do what I think is right; because this is the way that I show my trust with myself and my own words and methods of thinking, and have everything to show for it.
I have been doing this up until this point. All the evidence of my participation in thoughts/emotions/feelings are already here, and either strengthen or weaken with each repetition/participation. And the evidence, within common sense, shows an absolutely dysfunctional human being that requires secrets to hide from himself and others, out of fear of death. This is what I chose to be/become, yet at any moment I can stop and change; but like how I required years of diligence to become who I am now, I will require a similar amount of years of diligence to change.
And going back to the initial point suggested – that thoughts/emotions/feelings represent a kind of mathematics – it is because with every moment of participation in a thought, the same is outputted. Every time I wake up to my alarm, only to lay back on my bed and close my eyes for five minutes, it ends up being an hour, if not several hours. Every time I present myself an idea of working for entire days, hours upon hours of work, I have a thought and it immediately and perfectly creates a feeling of resistance; and a balancing point of desire, such as the desire to relax, have fun, entertain myself as a way out of the ‘mess’/’negative place’ I had defined work to be.
So if thoughts/emotions/feelings have only proven that they do not bring about what is best for all – proven by the real time permanent consequences I accumulate daily with my current habits and patterns – and they represent a mathematical equation = doing what is best for all, from one perspective, means constantly violating this mathematical equation. Because I have become the mathematical equation of my habits/patterns as thoughts/emotions/feelings, doing what is best for all will always be ‘wrong’: because in walking this process in real time I am still living as a product of my thoughts.
Doing what is best for all, from a perspective of walking it in real time, will always feel awkward and foreign because all I have ever given thought to are my own thoughts/emotions/feelings, and those have only ever considered my own benefit within separation; within attaining personal belongings and traits like gathering expensive fish in a pond to prove my own worth.
Instead of realising that my worth is one and equal to what I participate within/as. And the universal point that is most worthy and valuable is what is best for ALL, which includes more things than I have ever imagined simply because I have only obsessed about what would bring me alone some kind of benefit, while deliberately ignoring and suppressing that which I believe will compromise me.
Between the words that I write and distinguish reality from illusion, and the thoughts I participate in = my writing is more trustworthy then I do what I write, and make sure that what I write is common sense for all – then do it, accepting that whatever I do that is best for all will initially feel awkward and wrong according to my thoughts and backchat. But I have written about it and from a point of stability, I have assessed that this change is what is best for all, so in self trust – trusting the self I am establishing in every day of writing – I do what I have written for myself, in the self forgiveness and self corrective statements because I give myself a specific and precise map of change when I apply self forgiveness and self correction in writing, that is measurable and able to be cross referenced by all, unlike the never ending chatter of thoughts I have daily.