Day Five: Fear is Not Who I Am

Fear. Today I feared not doing enough work to not have to live in absolute poverty. So I created an intense desire to work in the limited definition that I had defined it to be: listen to lectures or complete exercises.

I feared not doing enough work to assist and support myself to do what needs to be done, such as allocating my time to a practical pattern of living: that includes working a job, studying, blogging, and other tasks.

Because I feared not having money, the only participation that I valued of myself was when I was either listening to lectures or completing exercises. Any moment that I was not doing these specific tasks, I existed within fear of not being able to make money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not doing enough work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living in absolute poverty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear change as a definitive and extreme change in how I participate with myself in every moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that any real change must be extreme to myself because according to how I defined myself as normal, it only takes stopping a single habit to be/become anything but normal: weird, awkward, strange, crazy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that change, by how it is practically walked, is always abrupt and from that perspective extreme because I either do that which I have identified to be best for all, or I fall back into the Mind; both of which I must accept one and equal consequences for each action respectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing all of these fears to dictate what I value of myself and what I devalue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create separation within/as myself by/through valuing some details of my participation, while ignoring other details.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that arrogance manifests in actions by/through paying attention and giving importance to some parts of myself as activities, while deliberately ignoring, underestimating, and judging others.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that importance is only valid if I live the word importance without having a single thought of fear or desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and desire as self interest to define what is important.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that importance must be defined in consideration of what is best for all, which includes me, while I include everyone when defining what is important and what is not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in fear and anxiety so obsessively that I have lost touch with what is real.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to make decisions from a position of common sense understanding and realisation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I make the right decisions when I place myself in fear before making the decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a decision about what I will participate in from a starting point of fear, instead of giving everything to myself by/through allowing myself to make an informed decision from a starting point of self honest understanding and realization that consider everyone involved and affected by my decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I can trust fear and anxiety to force me to do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that every dysfunctional habit I see within/as myself is a direct consequence of allowing fear and anxiety to dictate my participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become disoriented within/as fear and anxiety and create a feeling of lostness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I can be lost about what to do with myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain grounded in reality, starting with remaining grounded in every breath and every moment that I interact with the world by/through my human body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate responsibility by/through abdicating the ability to stop participating in desires IMMEDIATELY in this moment of breath.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that there is a consequence to not stopping my participation in desire and fear: I accept and allow my participation to be defined by desire and fear, instead of defining my participation according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I must judge myself for every hour spent to be disciplined.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief must rely on an external point such as judgment or fear to motivate myself to be disciplined.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that it is simple, easy, and casual/normal to participate in desires as fears masquerading in positivity.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that every single one of my desires has been a direct consequence of hiding and suppressing an initial point of fear that I did not want to face, so my desires has always been me justifying an experience of utmost fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to find the good as desires, in the bad as fears instead of realising that in the equation that fear describes = I constantly and consistently blind myself to what is actually here as reality, and within the self imposed pressure to do something about the unpleasant feeling of fear = making a choice to act based on what I have programmed myself to believe at face value, and justifying my choice by/through saying that it was ‘the best that I can do’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that within fear, must be some redeeming quality that I can cite to myself and others for continuing to participate in fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I am incapable of doing what is best for all by/through making a poor choice based on knowledge/information that I have programmed into myself beforehand (preprogrammed into myself), and justifying my poor choice in the fear that if I do not defend this choice, I will die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself by/through blinding myself with fear/anxiety – ANY emotion/feeling for that matter – and then forcing myself to make a decision with this limitation I alone have imposed on myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exalt parts of my experience, by/through labelling some activities to be important while others to be not worth my time.

I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am superior to certain specific daily activities, such as breathing where I will simply end if I do not participate in every moment to direct myself to breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate the importance of breathing, out of the belief that I have more important things to do than literally live, and the belief that my attention is limited and so I must allocate them to that which I think is more important like making money, without even breathing first to nourish myself.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
This entry was posted in 7 Year Journey To Life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Day Five: Fear is Not Who I Am

  1. Pingback: the common roots of anguish, angst, anxiety, anger, and arrogance « power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci

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