Today was the day that I set for myself to apply for a part time job. But what happened is that I was applying for a part time job through my thoughts alone, and as time passed and the opportunities dwindled to apply = I started pressuring myself in my thoughts, being the authority figure that shove my own message down my throat.
Consequence: insane participation in fear, with nothing to show for it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that to do anything of difficulty, I must first prepare myself in my thoughts/emotions/feelings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define difficulty according to how much I fear or resist a point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing difficulty to define what I do for myself in every moment, that accumulates undeniably.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think as a means to judge myself if I ever dare make a mistake in public.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only consider how I am treating myself when I make a mistake, instead of realising that how I treat others for making a mistake define and reflect how I live with mistakes as an essential part of practical living.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to embrace the realisation that actual living – not living in my thoughts – include mistakes as an experience equally important/effect-ive as successes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate one task as getting a part time job from what is best for all, such that I now interpret getting a part time job as something I ‘have to do’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be harsh with myself by/through creating the idea of things that I ‘have to do’; which often ends up as a phrase to hide the meaning I have attached to the task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there must be some elite group of tasks that I do not realise the practicality of in common sense, but must be done in full blind trust that if I do what everyone else is doing = I will not fall too far behind in the competition for that which I desire.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I alone had created a category/group defined SEPARATE from all other tasks, to judge these tasks to be superior.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an elite group of tasks within myself, only to use this idea to judge it to be superior at the cost/consequence of living out the belief that I am inferior to these tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tacitly/subtly participate in competition by/through labelling certain specific tasks to be important, from the perspective of separating all tasks as moment of participation into important/good and unimportant/bad.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that even as a person more experienced than a small child, I have been playing the same mind game of labelling things to be good and bad; only this time, I have ‘hidden’ my actions by calling good as important, and bad as unimportant, then concluding myself to be apparently clever for taking such measures to hide my desire to compete with others around me. Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my want/need/desire to stay in the competition by competing.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise how I am creating the position/role of victim within/as myself, then enforcing this rule on my world, when I participate in competition and compete, regardless of whether I compete to win, or I compete to survive; the consequence that I am participating in competition is the same.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I be/become the abusive and violent winner, that resort to anything to win, AND the victim when I participate in competition, simply because in the definition of competition as what is being lived in myself: there is always only one winner at the expense of everyone else as losers, and when this rule is applied to the world I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise the extreme harm that I accept and allow onto everyone else just to quease my inner fears by FEELING like I am one step closer to fulfilling my desire.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider being gentle and directive to myself by/through stopping my self interest in getting a part time job, so that in full awareness I see and realise what is best for all and how I can participate with myself, when working in a part time job, in ways that are best for all life: starting with how I respond to fumbles and mistakes I will inevitably make in a process of practical living, that obviously include making enough money to survive.
I commit myself to find ways to live practically here on Earth, in the practical terms of realigning my acceptances and allowances respective of each moment.
I commit myself to always find ways that are best for ALL because if I only find what is best for me = I am validating and reinforcing the limitations that I have become; that I have included within/as my personality.
I commit myself to explore and investigate the limitations I have imposed on myself as a personality, so that I may begin to realise and live that which is in fact possible for every human being on Earth: I realise and accept that I have never understood – in self intimacy as no certainty but the certainty of my every action in this moment – what I in fact wanted because my personality has been the product of seeing what others enjoy and mimicking other’s definitions of happiness to be my own. I do not accept or allow myself to continue copying and pasting other people’s definitions because I do not consider the consequences that are plainly attached to every action, including copying other people out of fear of missing out instead of living in common sense.
I realise and accept that I have never considered what it means to take responsibility for myself for/as myself, because this ‘myself’ has been directed/affected by fear to copy others, when who I am is here within/as self awareness that is not affected by any circumstance.
When I see myself generating fear in relation to an important task such as getting a parttime job, I stop – I breathe. I do not accept or allow myself to create myself as victim to walking the process necessary to get a part time job. I accept and allow myself to walk the process necessary to get a part time job, with the assistance and support as who I am to walk with myself every step of the way. I realise and accept that I am actually taking back my own power as self responsibility, when I take responsibility for my own expenses by/through working a parttime job, instead of relying on external points to pay for my own expenses. I accept and allow myself to expand my self responsibility by/through walking the process of getting a part time job. I do not accept or allow myself to blame the event of getting a part time job for my inner experience. I do not accept or allow myself to mentally create a mirage of what I think getting a job and working a job involves. I accept and allow myself to see for myself what getting a job practically means, by living it in practice, in full self trust and self intimacy that I will be here for myself to realise what I have been accepting and allowing and redefine myself according to what is best for all. I accept and allow myself to guarantee to myself that if I make a mistake at any step, I will assist and support myself and stop all judgment of myself and the other as myself. I accept and allow myself to dare to consider more than my habits, to consider what I can do to walk TOGETHER with other people. I accept and allow myself to stand as an equal in the world system that equally requires a source of income to live like any other person.