Since working with a greater acceptance of what mistakes are here for – within the context of practical living and what is best for all – another habit/pattern was revealed to me.
When I feel like I am accomplishing something, I fixate my eyes on what is in front of me and stare without being aware of the moments when I blink my eyes. When I am watching a video of a lecture for example, I would watch and observe the lecturer almost as if I am trying to take a picture to steal their soul – and my backchat is constantly chattering about “What can I take from this participation? What can I make mine?” “What can *I* use to *my* advantage to win?”
My own accepted and allowed self interest manifesting as greed, wherein now that I feel ‘I have regained enough self worth’, I am now ‘free’ to do what I have observed in vehement winner personalities. I begin to interpret/perceive and abuse my progress in learning as an excuse to ‘gain’ a sense of self importance: (backchat) “Look at what I can do! Look at ME! LOOK!”
This is me calling myself out, which is fascinating because just before writing this post, I had my windows open only to hear people having a party, and speaking with each other on the balcony. I reacted annoyingly, constantly repeating the thought, “This is what I am training myself to deal with. This. This personality type that is voracious for recognition and importance..” What I was really seeing was myself stuck in that which I judged of another.
Generally, this has to do with trying to make the winner-loser system as competition work, from the perspective of trying to ‘see the good’ in what I have already explored enough to see the bad = in the idea of competition. And I immediately see the excuse/reason/justification for such ego-based behavior: if I ‘found’ good in what I am already participating within/as, I do not have to change and instead have a reason to believe that I am right, all the while never considering the impact/effect of this action on everyone, such as the proliferation/advertising/promotion of the winner-loser polarity manifestation. As I said before, competition feeds the unimaginable suffering of the majority at the whim of the VERY few. So what I am saying to myself is that this habit is unacceptable and must be stopped.
The last point that popped up is the belief that “I already won”/”I’ve already done it”/”I’m made”/”I’m finished”, which is related to the self created feeling of self importance/arrogance. What is the use of being a winner if it is at the cost of this entire Existence? Where is the fun and enjoyment in making the majority suffer just so I have an excuse to do what I like and force/impose the Mind onto the Physical?
No fun or enjoyment can really exist until it is given to all, and the GROUP is given equal and one access to such an experience. So I require humbleness from myself and do what needs to be done, and seeing my daily accumulations for what they are. Practically speaking, that means stopping all fantasies along the lines/thoughts of “If I continue working like this, what if <insert desirable event here, i.e. typical events for fame: get recognized, put up a music video, get lots of hits, etc.>”
So this point is just the polarity opposite of victimizing myself and feeling like a victim, and this sudden ‘switch’ is simply an indication that I have not faced the entire mind construct of winners and losers. And as such, another example of the ruthlessness and violent/extreme nature of polarity systems of belief: when facing polarity, I gift to myself the opportunity to remove the ENTIRETY of the mind construct, by/through realising my acceptances and allowances within/as BOTH polarities, utilising the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, and self corrective action to stop the insanity of greed once and FOR ALL as myself; not just for myself as an ego, whose consideration only expand into/as the tiny area of my human body’s outline: I am not really considering my human body when living within/as self interest/greed, because all I let myself see, i.e. all I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see, are the ways to fulfill/quease my inner secret desires/fears. Unacceptable, and harmful for everyone involved including myself.
Self Forgiveness: Greed From the Interpretation of a Winner
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stare at what is in front of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to take as much as I can from what is here by/through staring.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tacitly agree to believing that I am lacking by/through wanting/needing/desiring to stare, and acting it out in reality under the belief/perception that I am trying to take from others in separation from the realisation that others, every aspect/detail that I observe of others, are actually aspects/details that I am seeing within myself, as part of what is here available to all as one and equal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as myself and my world from the perspective of taking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am forced to take from others because I am in a world where competition is worshipped.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am in a world where competition is worshipped.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within/as pessimism, by/through only seeing the world as other people only capable of worshipping competition.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not treat others as how I would like to be treated; by/through giving myself the opportunity to transcend and stop competition within/as me, but not giving the world as other people the one and equal opportunity to do the same for themselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in greed by/through giving myself the opportunity to change, to do/live what is best for all such as stopping all belief in competition to live in common sense as what is best for all instead; yet somehow feeling compelled to not give the equal and one opportunity to others to see for themselves and change because to manifest the best for all, all must be involved and included. For change that is best for all to be established, the GROUP – that includes me but does not end at my contribution to myself and my world – must change TOGETHER, in Oneness and Equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel compelled to rob other people’s opportunities in my Mind, by giving myself the chance to stop, forgive myself and change but not giving others the same consideration and care, by/through participating in backchat beliefs, justifications, and judgments about the shortcomings/weaknesses of others.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dare consider ‘making’ the best out of others, one and equal to how I am in the process of realising what is best for all, in a practical and substantial/measurable way of ‘making’ the best out of myself; in the realisation that the physical possibility of what is best for all has always been here, only never considered by me until VERY recently in practical, liveable terms.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in fact attempt and try to diminish others by/through speaking ill and speaking down on others and what others can do as human beings, from the starting point of jealousy and anger that I am responsible for creating in the past as the repeated remembering/’reliving’ of unpleasant/negative memories as a kind of mind possession/mind demon.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when I attempt and try to diminish others = from the perspective of the Physical, others are human beings just like me, so when I judge and spite and believe condescending beliefs about others = I am in-fact judging and spiting and believing condescending beliefs about myself, because I am also a human being, of the same design and participating in the same system of money, politics, and everything that is created from the monetary and political system that currently governs the world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to contain/confine/imprison myself by/through only considering the quantity and quality of the ‘short end of the stick’/self victimization that I feel/think that I am always forced to accept.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I am forced to accept myself as a victim to everything around me, and the belief that I am forced by everyone around me to accept this limitation and struggle and in other words, commit myself to a life of pain and suffering for life; living from the perspective of ‘keeping busy’/’preoccupying myself’ – while the pain and suffering intesifies – until the moment of relief as death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to shout/exert blame to/towards others by/through secretly believing that I am being forced by everyone to accept ‘levels’ of pain and suffering.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I want/need/desire to blame others because secretly, I also have believed myself to be a victim for my sins and I can do nothing but wait and pray for a God/saviour/hero to come save me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to blame others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a victim for WHAT I BELIEVE to be my unforgivable sins.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am forced by my human nature to not be able to help myself immediately, and forced to accept having ‘no choice’ but to wait and pray for someone to save me as the ‘ultimate’ ‘short end of the stick’/’role of victim’ that deep down, I regret the most for accepting and allowing because from this one accepted and allowed limitation, I fuck up myself and the entire world with every moment that I speak or act from this acceptance and allowance onwards.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight for my human nature, when I clearly realise that the human nature that I am accepting and allowing is creating an absolute experience of pain and suffering.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself from walking the process to do that which is best for all, by/through only allowing myself to see/interpret myself and my world according to possessions and property: what can I make mine/how much can I make mine?
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise – and through realising consider – that I am capable of grounding myself in a reality that we all share equally, so that I may gift to myself – without expecting anything in return/as compensation – the potential to consider how I am affecting and directing everyone’s acceptances and allowances as the culture of humanity through the actions that I commit myself to, one moment at a time, that I am already committing/acting in every moment, in acceptance and allowance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to commit and act in every moment without considering what I am accepting and allowing as the consequences of each action that I express in each and every moment: regardless of how I feel or what I have done or what I am doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the full degree and extent of consequences that I in fact accumulate with each and every moment of participation, including in thoughts/emotions/feelings, represented and reflected within/as every moment of breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I will be the weakest and most feeble existence if I dare to face the full extent of the consequences/effects of my actions on the whole as the world, starting with the effect my actions have on the entirety of myself within/privately and without/publicly.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that part of being self responsible means facing the full extent of the consequences/effects of my actions on all, from the starting point of daring to walk the process of redefining myself to do/live that which is best for all.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I will be the strongest and most respectable living example if I DO dare to face the full extent of the consequences of my actions, within/internally and without/externally, starting with the consequences I impart on/accumulate for myself alone, with the comprehensive, specific, and complete self support and self assistance I give to myself within/as walking the tools of breathing, self honesty, self forgiveness, and self corrective action; writing self forgiveness and self corrective statements in blogs and writings so that I have something to show to myself when I ask myself whether I am in fact utilising the tools to support myself or just abusing self forgiveness for my own self interest/greed.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that self forgiveness will not work until I redefine the ‘self’ in self forgiveness to be who I really am, as the thoughts/emotions/feelings AND their physical counterparts/indications such as my ‘hot buttons’/triggers and my body language, and my voice tonality; in other words, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that self forgiveness will only work for me when I see within/as myself, in total vulnerability within/as self honesty, that I am in fact writing and applying self forgiveness statements from the starting point of doing that which is best for all, which then practically involves considering what would be best for ALL/EVERYONE involved when I write a specific self forgiveness statement.
I commit myself to walk a minimum of 21 days to test and see for myself the effect of self forgiveness statements, by/through daring to take the first step in reading the blogs of people that are already walking this, one day at a time.
I accept and allow myself to give myself the time period to actually see for myself what self forgiveness can be/do, by/through giving myself enough time to read aloud one blog of self forgiveness statements per day, for 21 days.
I do not accept or allow myself to cheat myself of objectivity by/through not actually reading the self forgiveness statements aloud and believing that I am or already have tested the usefulness and practicality that self forgiveness represents.
I do not accept or allow embarrassment or fear to repel me from exploring what self forgiveness can be, by/through reading the blogs that other people are posting in the form of self forgiveness and self corrective statements.
I do not accept or allow the opinions of others to affect my decision to explore what self forgiveness is and how I can utilise this action to assist and support myself through my daily struggle and pain as inner and external conflict.
I accept and allow myself to dare to find practical solutions to face and direct the inner and external conflict that I experience within myself.
I realise and accept that a practical solution must be a solution that I can participate in and get involved in daily, that must be measurable and accountable and real.
I accept and allow myself to participate in self forgiveness for the first time by/through reading other people’s self forgiveness statements on the same points that I realise I am facing, one day at a time.
I commit myself to investigate the meaning I have placed into/as the action of staring, to walk another step forward in the process of redefining what is here as myself to what is best for all Life.
I commit myself to stop all participation in polarity mind constructs, consisting of beliefs, opinions, and judgments, by/through considering both points of the polarity: I commit myself to realise and stop all participation in the thoughts/emotions/feelings I have attached onto the idea/concept of being a winner and/or a loser.
When I catch myself staring at what is here, I stop – I breathe. I realise and accept that I am staring because of participation in various thoughts/emotions/feelings such as fears and judgments. I do not accept or allow myself to stare. I accept and allow myself to remain vulnerable with myself within/as self honesty and realise the thoughts/emotions/feelings that I am accepting and allowing to justify staring. I accept and allow myself to stop staring because I realise and accept that if I continue to stare = I am only fuelling and participating in thoughts/emotions/feelings further and ingraining myself further in mind consciousness systems of belief. I accept and allow myself to explore what it means to live by/through stopping all participation in the Mind as thoughts/emotions/feelings. I realise and accept I am not all my thoughts/emotions/feelings reflect back to me, because my thoughts/emotions/feelings have only considered an idea/belief about myself and have failed to consider what is the best for all involved.