Just starting the process of studying consistently, I am starting to get glimpses of the actual intricacy in which every participant must conduct themselves in the world to earn money.
Because I realise that who I am in this moment is not one and equal to how this world functions and operates, I see myself reacting in fear and overwhelmingness: the entire story of resistance repeating itself for the millionth time as “I don’t want to” or “I don’t feel like” etc.
But I also realise that I do absolutely nothing when I participate in fear, which is part of resistance. This world obviously waits for no one, so if I spend the limited time that I have fearing, when the time is here to accept the full extent of the consequences of not standing with/as the world system = I will be fucked, with no one to hold responsible but me, so I would realise that I alone fucked myself.
Given that time represents a quantity of moments, if I have this moment at my disposal now, I would rather use this moment to take the first step to stand one and equal with the world system instead of fearing it, or participating in habits/patterns instigated by that fear like watching TV, or isolating myself from establishing relationships with people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand as less than the world system, as all of the networks of knowledge/information, people, nature, and so much more.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself excuse to not already be walking the process of standing one and equal with the world, when I run my mouth internally about fears and preparation to walk.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the phrase ‘I am preparing’ to hide and suppress the actual moment-to-moment accumulation where I am in fact delaying the process of walking points of fear and resistance, by/through practicing constantly and continuously = practically.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the word ‘preparation’, by/through deliberately stating this to myself and others when I could simply stop, breathe, and walk: with the absolute dedication to myself that I will be here for myself every step of the way, the way I had occasionally hoped others would do for me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to redefine the word preparation such that I am actually assisting and supporting myself with the word, instead of using it to hide and suppress what I am actually doing when faced with a reaction of fear and/or resistance.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to embrace that when I react in fear and/or resistance, I am wanting/needing/desiring to run away from that which I fear.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop, breathe, and recognize myself as the reasons/excuses/justifications I have believed in to want/need/desire to run away from that which I fear/resist.
I Forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I want/need/desire to run away from that which I fear/resist because I have defined living with this fear as easier than having to face my own fear and take back self responsibility for the relationship I have created with that which I fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that facing my own fears is difficult.
I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘difficult’ according to that which I find easy, which has been every habit/pattern I have accepted and allowed to dictate what I do every day, with absolutely no consideration of what would be best for all as the habits/patterns that I can develop to support a world that is best for all, which will inevitably include what is best for me too.
When I am facing a point I am resisting or fearing, I stop – I breathe. I do not accept or allow myself to be a coward and do things just because I believe these things to be easy. I accept and allow myself to value my participation by/through only accepting and allowing myself to participate in that which is best for all, rather than be a coward and do things ‘the easy way’. I realise and accept that for me to go the ‘easy route’ to everything, every time I face fear or resistance, my apparent ease is at the direct cost of supporting this world as it exists currently, which include over half of the world population forced to die of starvation, disease, and malnutrition; my easy way exists with the cost of allowing other people to starve to death. I do not accept or allow myself to do what is ‘easy’, from the perspective of running away from my fears and resistances. I accept and allow myself to face my fears and resistances, so that I can establish what is best for all in a process starting with a lifetime commitment whose vows to myself I renew every moment I dare to face my fears and resistances, by/through often simply doing what I fear and resist. I accept and allow myself to face the mistakes that I make, guaranteeing to myself that whatever mistake I may make, I guarantee to myself that I will use this moment to learn from my mistakes.
The Free Dictionary: Overpowering in effect or strength: overwhelming joy; an overwhelming majority. →Wikipedia: Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. →