Day 14: Continued, Forgiving a Dysfunctional Relationship

Read the first part here.

SF: Dysfunctional Relationship

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to a polarity of despising how others ‘connect’ with each other, implying that I fully love/obsess/care about what I am doing – which is whining and complaining and completely isolating myself from participating in virtually any relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deprive myself of one major educational opportunity in this world which is within/as the activity of allowing myself to accept myself when I make mistakes within relationships and correcting them immediately.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that if I do not allow myself to accept myself when I make a mistake, especially when the mistake is revealed/exposed to other people = I will never move or direct myself into a position where I am more able to support what is best for all in the world because I am separating and isolating myself from a major part of this world which is interpersonal relationships.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take the opportunity of interpersonal relationships to give as I would like to receive in a relationship, and through the interaction between both people cross reference and educate each other on what a human being would want in a relationship, instead of self righteously imposing what I as an ego/personality would like to take for myself to profit off of a relationship; which is basically greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself from relationships out of the excuse that if I allow myself to participate, I will inevitably end up in a position where I become an abuser wherein I analyse and calculate how to profit the most off of any single relationship.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am giving up on myself when I avoid myself as an abuser of Life by/through not facing that part of me when I participate in a relationship.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that if I do not face myself as that part of me when in a relationship/friendship, that part of me will control and manipulate me for the rest of my life, and being a fuck up I will be responsible for fucking up my entire life for not having the balls to face myself as greed within/as self honesty.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that brainwashing is when I face an ugly part of myself, such as greed/self interest , and in cowardice hide and run away from having to face my responsibility for that part of myself, and therefore force myself to accept the consequences of running away = brainwashing as being controlled and manipulated by that part of me because I have separated myself from that part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for my inner experience as backchat when participating in a relationship/friendship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others laughing and sneering at me if/when I take responsibility for the backchat that I experience when participating in a relationship/friendship, because taking responsibility for myself, for real, means exposing myself within AND without, through self forgiveness and self corrective action respectively.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that if I would be grateful to myself if I would let go of the burden of judgmental/opinionated backchat, others would inevitably be equally grateful for not being encouraged to participate in backchat, which is always a burden on any human being, no matter what status or position they may be in.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider that if I accept and allow myself to participate in backchat as self judgment and self spite = I give permission to others to do the same, and therefore experience the same heaviness/hopelessness that I do when I do not face myself within/as self honesty and self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I require hope to continue living in this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that having hope implies having something to feel hopeless about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the feeling of hopelessness in relation to something, when I act on the belief that I apparently need hope to continue living in this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I do not need hope when I am always here, available to do everything it takes to support myself through whatever needs to be done; for every moment that I hope, I am here and available to face and align any situation or circumstance to that which is best for all, if I would accept and allow myself to stop hoping and start living.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am giving away my power to direct myself when I abdicate responsibility for how I have allowed myself to poison any given relationship with greed as the want/need/desire to profit over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and run away from what is in fact an accepted and allowed part of me when I isolate myself from participating in any relationships/friendships whatsoever.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself as greed, within/as the context of a relationship/friendship: I face myself by/through fully participating in a relationship from the starting point of realising exactly specifically how I have designed myself as greed, and therefore realise my responsibility for my own creation of self interest/greed within/as who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support my physical separation from relationships – as my passive, stale, and uninvolving relationships – by/through participating in the opposite polarity of hating/disliking what other people are doing with their relationships, and throughout deliberately remaining completely ignorant of the consequences I impose on everyone, which includes myself, when I value an effect as hating other people in relationships/friendships over the cause as how I have had my entire way of ‘living’ as my habits and patterns designed to create and support the current state of relationships.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to measure my progress in redefining my own relationships, by/through utilising the state of relationships today as a benchmark/cross reference to ensure that I am in fact redefining my own relationships to accumulate into what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dare face myself because deep down, I realise that I undeniably have a hand and am responsible for the current state of relationships.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dare face and forgive myself for how I have been supporting dysfunction within relationships today – such as the inclusion and normalization of manipulation, control, and deceit within/as relationships – by/through not daring to face my own dysfunctional relationships with myself, others, and this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise how I have been supporting dysfunctional relationships in myself, others, and my world by/through participating in dysfunctional relationships within/as myself first, such as the strange behaviour of judging myself for participating in a thought, reaction, fear, and/or opinion; which only creates another layer of thought that requires me to forgive myself for, if I am to actually stop and change myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress my own dysfunctional relationships of myself by/through refusing to participate with other people that have dysfunctional relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become self righteous within/as making the choice of refusing to participate with others that have dysfunctional relationships, when I as my daily participation exposes/reveals that I have designed myself to be the same.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that it is not the dysfunctional relationship that I have that is the problem, it is what I am doing about it as my responsibility; therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give to others what I have given to myself as forgiveness for being/becoming addicted to relationships that do not support anyone involved.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that EVERY time I notice a dysfunctional relationship within/as another person, I am in fact seeing my own reflection of the same pattern of how I am accepting and allowing myself to fuck with myself with a dysfunctional relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself to be a failure when I realise how I have been participating in the same dysfunctional relationship as that which I have noticed of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself when I judge myself to be a failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become the ultimate pessimist when I judge myself to be a failure because I am saying to myself, “You can’t stop what you are already creating” when I concede to myself that I am an apparently incurable case as a failure.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am in fact giving up on others that have the same common sense that I have, when I stop participating in relationships with others altogether.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am accepting and allowing other human beings to abuse when I cower away from my own accepted and allowed abuse, such as the choice to separate myself from other people in spite of the common sense that if I want to change the world, I must change with the world, in the realisation that the process of self forgiveness and self honesty is an inclusive process, contrary to every mainstream self improvement that promotes some form of exclusion within/as exclusivity.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am accepting and allowing the world to be abused into oblivion when I do not speak and stand within/as what a relationship that is best for all can be.

I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I am standing for/as relationships that are best for all when I stop all relationships with others.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that if I am not speaking and making it clear what kind of relationship I will accept and allow, I am not standing as what is best for all within/as relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I stand for what is best for all in relationships when I basically desert all of my relationships to deal with my own limited definition of ‘my own’ relationships with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my self application of self honesty and self forgiveness when I define ‘my relationships’ to only my relationships within/as living at home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress the realisation that what kind of relationships I establish with other people in fact represent who I am, and therefore are an equally important part to consider when walking my process of redefining my relationships to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that MOST of the dysfunctional relationships I have accepted and allowed are seen/revealed/exposed when participating in relationships with other people, therefore the bulk of redefining the word ‘relationship’ is with/as other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be obsessed about my personal view/opinion of relationships today.

I forgive myself for wanting/needing/desiring to have an opinion to call my own so that I have possessions like armor and swords to defend myself with when a person decides to impose on me what they think about relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become lost in the elation I attach onto my delusion as my view on relationships, such that I do not consider the physical consequences of believing in my view on relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed/defined by my view on relationships, under the belief that this is who I am and I cannot change this.

I Forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to test my own belief that this opinion is who I am by/through stopping all participation in my opinions about relationships, to see if my opinions remain when I stop and remain here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress the actual process and the long period of time that I invested into designing my own opinions about relationships, to only see the effect and call it beautiful and perfect: out of the self interest that I want to be beautiful and perfect.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I see the actual nature of myself when I investigate myself as cause of my opinions on relationships.

I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing the self interest of wanting/needing/desiring to be perfect and beautiful to control and manipulate the answers I give to myself about what I have accepted and allowed to exist here, such as my opinions about relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being possessed by the dysfunctional relationships that I see within/as others if I drop my conflicting opinions about what I think relationships are.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider that if my opinions are conflicting with what is here as what is exposed/revealed in how others participate in the world = I am creating a dysfunctional relationship within/as myself, thus being/becoming that which I feared as people blindly participating in relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself when I stop my opinions about relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust myself – that which remains when I remain silent – when I only trust an opinion that I have to speak and act on for the opinion to continue existing; such that the moment I stop speaking and acting out the opinions, they stop existing and leave no trace of it ever existing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I become nonexistent when/as my opinions stop existing, without a single trace or mark of it ever existing in the first place.

I Forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that if anything like an opinion stops existing as soon as I stop feeding it with my participation, it was not real to begin with because I had to MAKE it real in my secret mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that what is real remains, so to find out what is real I require remaining here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that to find out if something is real/practical I must create and make sense of it through thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define reality as a search for reality, which is a contradiction because what reality ‘does’ is remains, so if I search I will never actually find reality.

More to come.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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