Day 17: Postponement as Death

Starting with the smaller as my daily participation.  What is not best for all?

– postponement in the form of backchat and doubts about daily accumulation and who I decide I will be – a self responsible being, which will take years
– overwhelmingness value attached to all jobs of high monetary value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone living out of the excuse of pardoning myself from participating here by/through participating in backchat and doubts about the situation I am living within/as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to preoccupy myself with backchat and doubts.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I can only do one thing at a time, so when I participate in backchat = it is at the cost of remaining aware and considerate of reality as all points here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to squander my life away to backchat that only preoccupies me, never with one single practical solution that I can apply after the backchat.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that backchat talks about everything and takes all of my attention, but amounts to nothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become backchat through placing all of my attention to my backchat, to the extreme of pausing my participation in my Mind to delve into my backchat.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place 1 + 1 together to realise that if backchat talks about everything and does nothing = I become a person that talks about everything and does nothing for myself or anyone involved when I give my attention to backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become a personality that talks about everything yet does nothing.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain humble in living my decision to be/become a self responsible being by/through remaining in the daily accumulation and making sure that above all else = I am accumulating each moment to what is best for all, before considering anything ‘bigger’ than this self care.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I can pause time as occupied by my participation, to think about my participation in an attempt to consider the consequences of my participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I consider the consequences of my actions when I stop my participation to think about my participation in my head.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am practicing arrogance within ignorance when I take myself out of my particpation in this moment into an alternate dimension in my Mind where I supposedly consider the consequences of my actions.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the consequences of my actions are realised within/as standing equal and one to my own accepted and allowed participation in this moment; NOT taking myself out of this moment’s worth of participation into an alternate dimensional reality/illusion to think about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that the consequences of my actions, especially actions that determine a large part of how my life will play out, are subtle and deceiving and clever and manipulative.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that to the Physical as common sense, consequences are consequences, therefore all consequences of all of my actions are within/as the obvious and in plain sight; not things that require a ‘baseline’ level of education to recognize within/as awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I must educate myself and absorb a certain specific level of knowledge/information to see my actions for what they are as the consequences that they produce, starting with the consequences they produce in my life, with the decision to expand my consideration to the consequences that affect all Life.  But I realise and accept that to actually consider the consequences my actions have on THE LIFE, will take a process of a minimum of 7 years, therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dedicate myself to the fulfillment of my decisions as a lifetime commitment, because I realise that if I do not make a lifetime commitment to myself = I will not be able to apply myself consistently to walk the process UNTIL IT IS DONE, in the consideration that only absolute dedication and commitment to myself will take 7 years.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to hide and suppress the consequences that I have already accumulated for myself over 19 years, by/through feeling overwhelmed about the process that I require walking to learn from all of the mistakes I have made in those 19 years, as a living statement of self acceptance as the acceptance of the consequences of the mistakes I have already made, over a time period of 19 years, which already implies that I have made enough mistakes that it will not magically fix itself in a matter of months.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone the daily walking and accumulation of my process to be/become a self responsible and self directed being when I indulge in feelings of overwhelmingness and depression about the sheer amount of moments I will require walking to end up at a stage where I am self responsible and self directed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed out of the excuse/justification of the sheer amount of moments I will require walking, one tiny moment out of gazillions at a time, to stop the manifested consequences of my mistakes, and reaccumulate myself into a self responsible and self directed being, as aligned with my decision.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that in the smaller, when I was walking through times of difficulty, it was in walking the process of myself creating the difficulty that I made myself into a more capable being: one breath at a time, one tiny seemingly insignificant step at a time, one moment at a time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise the sheer amount of moments I had actually invested into stopping inner experiences of difficulty and turmoil, and I had already come out of the other end, but in fact fresher and newer than before because I stopped another point of preoccupation as the knowledge/information points that justified that specific inner experience of difficulty and turmoil.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to recognize my own process that I have walked up until this moment, where even in my writing and self forgiveness I have seen for myself the drastic change I have made: and the ONE Point as the simplicity that made this progress possible was dedicating myself to myself one moment at a time, writing one post at a time and one sentence at a time always in the self recognition of WHO I will decide I AM as who I am.  And so, the same process requires to be walked for what needs to be done now, such as studying to obtain a degree in university, and preparing myself to face the reality of working a job daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a well paying job according to compromise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that to work a well paying job, I will have to compromise and become the predator that prey on the weak every single day.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I have been running away from how I am compromising myself in this moment in the smaller tasks, such as using the time waiting as an excuse to preoccupy myself in backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate small periods of time, and seemingly small and insignificant tasks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate the accumulation of such small periods of time and small tasks, over a period of a week, then a month, then a year.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in fact underestimate and devalue myself, out of the excuse/justification as the belief that the short time periods and small tasks throughout my day require apparently less care and attention than apparently long time periods and big tasks.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that within/as considering the value of small/big tasks, long/short time periods = what determines the value of my activities and my time is who I am within them, which implies that a one and equal extent of care and attention is required for all tasks and all lengths of time because who I am within/as a moment, regardless of circumstances, is what determines the value that I give to myself and am able to share with others over a lifetime.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to reveal to myself that no matter what I decide to do = I would like to make some sort of actual difference in the world, instead of coming and going like a passing thought, therefore what I do is not as important as who I am within what I do.  Simply because who I am determines how many opportunities I am willing to give myself to learn and expand and grow in my consideration of not only myself, but my neighbours as well as coworkers and family and those born into poverty and strife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing money as how much or how little money I have to define who I am within what I do as how many opportunities to learn I am willing to give to myself, and actually give to all as I share the lessons I have learnt through my living example in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in deciding who I am in this moment, and for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust myself to decide to be what is best for all for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate trust and responsibility to that which exists separate from me, when I distrust myself to define who I am in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate trust and responsibility to money defined separate from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my trust in money to determine and define who I am.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I would stop being who I am as defined by money if money was no longer defined as a necessity in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I just had enough money, I would stop worrying and existing in fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my experience of fear of loss is because of not having enough money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am creating my own experience of fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my responsibility for my own inner experience of survival as fear of loss when I participate in the belief/hope that if I had enough money, my experience of fear would stop.

When I postpone living in this moment, I stop – I breathe.  I do not accept or allow memories to preoccupy me from participating in this moment.  I do not accept or allow any thought/emotion/feeling to preoccupy me from participating in this moment. I accept and allow myself to apply self forgiveness on the points of temptation that are tempting me to delve into memories and thoughts/emotions/feelings.  I accept and allow myself to apply self forgiveness one breath at a time.  I do not accept or allow myself to postpone facing my acceptances and allowances when reacting within/as overwhelmingness.  I do not accept or allow myself to participate in the emotion of overwhelmingness.  I do not accept or allow myself to abdicate and hide my self responsibility when feeling overwhelmed.  I accept and allow myself to take charge of me and direct myself to practical living action immediately, that is practically and measurably what is best for all.  I realise and accept that survival is fear of loss and when I participate to survive, I am participating in the fear of loss.  I do not accept or allow myself to attempt to think about solutions from the starting point of what I can do to survive ‘the best’ to win.  I accept and allow myself to consider more than my own selfish want/need/desire for survival and consider what I can do to support everyone within/as doing what is best for ALL, thus taking and living my self responsibility as an equal part/participant of Life.

I commit myself to walk a process of dismantling the layers of excuses and justifications I have created to justify and create fear of loss as part of my daily experience, so that I may establish my living to what is best for all, instead of survival.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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