Day 19: Competing for the Prize

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless and inferior to/towards the dysfunctional relationships I have deliberately designed over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to hide and suppress my responsibility for my own dysfunctional relationships because I am responsible for the consequences of my own actions within/as myself and my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear owning up to my blatant failures as the dysfunctional relationships I have created and now have to face myself as my own creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to continue to compete in the constant continuous competition that is here, by/through wanting/needing/desiring to not own up to my own failures out of the excuse that all other participants do not show/reveal weakness to their opponents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be obsessed about being ‘just as good’ as other participants in the competition, so that at least I have a chance to survive in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when comparing myself to others, I am actually seeing who they are as what they do, when all I see are my own judgments I have inflicted on others, and thus only myself because I accepted and allowed myself to judge them according to my own hidden secretized standards.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I judge other people according to my accepted and allowed beliefs about myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that it is acceptable to steal from others whenever I may not be caught to be/become a winner.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when I steal from others, I am stealing from myself as a part of Life because for stealing, I give up the opportunity to give to all as myself the gift of Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to be/become more out of the fear that if I do not become more, others will become more and overwhelm me with their survival techniques to win in the competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death if I do not stay in the competition as a competitive participant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish Life and living into a competition, where I have become a gladiator that kill/spite/judge to apparently ‘live’ or else die a horrible death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself as Life into a competition wherein I have set the rule that if I do not define myself according to competition and compete, I will die.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when I stop competition within/as myself, that all of my knowledge/information as survival techniques and self image as a poor replacement for self esteem will die – not me as who I really am as Life as all as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the survival techniques and techniques to build up the perfect picture presentation/appearance of myself as knowledge/information, instead of realising that I may define myself according to who I really am as Life as all as one and equal, by/through relentlessly walking a process to live what is best for all until all live what is best for all.  Until then, I will not be satisfied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that as a gladiator, fighting/competing/killing for ‘my life’ until the next battle as the next specific pursuit of happiness – such as getting the highest grade – is acceptable because at least I survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I must survive at all costs because if I do not survive, I will not have the opportunity to support world change when it ‘arrives’ someday, not realising that the opportunity to support world change has been within/as self change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that unless I act out my fear to accumulate as many survival techniques as possible for all occasions as knowledge/information, I will not give myself the tools to practically live.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that there are moments where I am forced to spite or kill another person through applying my survival techniques just so that I can live.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dare call my accepted and allowed spite and judgment to/towards others as a valid form of living.

Therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define living according to a form of murder as spite and judgment, wherein I deliberately do everything within the bounds of my creativity to diminish and smite other people and their self image just to elevate and make my own self image apparently ‘greater’ and ‘more inspiring’ as I accumulate more power as I have trusted money, sex, and relationships to give me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my own creativity to spiting and judging other people as a modern acceptable form of murder in the world, instead of realising that being unconditionally given this ability to create, why don’t I create that which is best for ALL Life?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the spiteful and judgmental nature of others – according to their acceptances and allowances – for survival to exist in the world, such that every human being on Earth must worship the hidden-in-plain-sight beliefs that form the design of the modern day religion of survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not dare for one moment question my accepted and allowed methods/techniques to survive, in spite of the horror and disgust that I have for myself for allowing such cruel and demeaning methods of survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to justify my methods/techniques of survival out of the belief that the grotesque methods have ‘enabled’ me to be/become a respected person within society, which makes everything worthwhile, in spite of the absolute disregard of the countless people in peril and poverty for my apparent abundance.  How is this abundance real when for my own emotional sense of grandeur and sophistication, I literally leave and ignore the people I have placed in obscure parts of the world into a world of inescapable poverty and strife, allowing children that could have been me in another life to be born into a world of poverty and strife?

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when I justify the survival methods I have lived into being/becoming an apparent winner in the world, I give permission to everyone in another life to do the same unto me, where I become the absolute loser that cannot do anything to escape.

Therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise the actual extent of consequences that I impose on myself and everyone when I justify my means of survival that I have deliberately secretized in the name of competition as survival and for my own apparent ‘abundance’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define abundance only according to what I am able to do in my life, and thus separating abundance from the abundance that is Life as all as one as equal, and thus being/becoming the cause of poverty, violence, abuse, and many other atrocities that exist in the world, but are specifically censored without a trace in the picture presentation of ‘my world’/’my life’ in an attempt to gain abundance as an experience within/as myself.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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