Day 20: Purging Procrastination

The decided starting point of the self forgiveness statements on procrastination is to stop procrastinating and start living, starting with doing what needs to be done as a matter of self responsibility: NOT survival as fear of death, because I realise and accept that doing anything out of fear is not a solution that is best for all and this fear will control me in greater and greater degrees until I will be living for the moment when it will ‘all end’, as the unpleasant experiences I inevitably force myself through out of the fear as an excuse. A mistake I have made and am adamant on not making again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear to define what I will enjoy and what I will not enjoy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear of loss to determine the specific patterns of procrastination I will participate in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate by/through watching multiple short videos on what I am interested in, at the specific cost and intent of not having to face myself in self honesty as my accepted and allowed fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert and exalt my cleverness in the self interest of delaying having to face myself as the ugliest parts of me, when I watch videos to specifically delay the inevitable realisation that I alone am responsible for the entirety of how my life will play out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust myself from the responsibility of the entirety of how my life will play out, thus in fact abdicating responsibility for myself as who I really am as Life, and therefore abdicated Life and judged myself to be undeserving of even my own life, let alone Life as all as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself to be undeserving of my own life when I accept and allow myself to distrust myself with the responsibility of this one life, and then as self proclaimed God/Judge of myself justify abdication of self responsibility with backchat and thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when I distrust myself with my own life, and then have the audacity to justify my own self distrust = I am arguing for my own limitation and therefore have become the absolute pessimist that I have feared and despised about other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a pessimist about myself and giving up on myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the moment I allowed myself to be/become a person that I cannot even trust, I have become the most pessmistic person to me and have become the living statement of giving up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress the responsibility that I in fact have for distrusting myself, because I had to deliberately make that decision for that decision to affect the very nature of how I participate with myself and my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately sabotage and deceive myself by/through making myself untrustworthy and then believing that I have been made this way by a supernatural force so I am helpless, when the fact remains that I was the ONLY one that decided and can decide to sabotage and deceive me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress the actual power my words have such that if I say I am limited, such as believing that some apparent ‘higher force’ has made me this way – fucked up – I will create myself according to the words I accept and allow myself to speak, within or without.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress the actual power I have to direct me with my words, out of the excuse that I am young and inexperienced and apparently therefore am not yet worthy of possessing such power, out of the excuse of fear of doing harm out of ignorance as being inexperienced.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am doing good when I consider fear of doing harm as if the fear itself were real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to motivate me to do good, as I have defined it as considering fear as a real threat to myself, by/through wanting/needing/desiring to be a ‘good’ person.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that if I consider fear as real, I will create fear to be real when it is just a feeling with no evidence of its influence on reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to affirm the statement that fear is real when I accept and allow even a single moment of procrastination, as a moment where I participate from the starting point of avoiding what I have accepted and allowed that is the actual cause of my entire life experience in this moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that it is ridiculous to account myself as my time to the specific detail of a single moment of procrastination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that if I place my attention on single moments, I am missing out on living my life because my attention will not be on my life and will be on these extremely small and insignificant moments such as one single moment spent procrastinating.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that my life consists of single moments and so if I underestimate or ignore a single moment – regardless of the excuse – I am underestimating and ignoring my life in fact, for a belief of importance that I have about what I THINK is ‘my life’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my wants/needs/desires from what has been given unconditionally as Life, and thus define the phrase ‘my life’ to equate to my wants/needs/desires, instead of realising that Life has always been here and is already made – I do not require making myself something out of this life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the statement ‘I must make something out of this life’ according to separation such that I believe I must somehow make ‘something of myself’ out of nothing like magic, instead of realising that who I am as ‘this life’ as ‘my life’ has always been here; if only I would stop searching and seeking for myself – to ‘make something out of myself as this life’ – to instead listen and see/realise that I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to know myself, I must make myself someone to know as creation of significant importance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my importance according to the “positive attention” that others give to me, such that I am more important – I feel like I am MORE – when more people notice me, and am worthless – and feel like NOTHING – when no one notices me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for not giving me importance/worth to my own existence when it is in fact I who am denying myself from valuing myself as a one and equal part of existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the villain onto other people, when I am in fact my own villain that harm me such as deceiving myself to feel compelled to completely devalue my own existence, to wait for others to value my existence.

When I see myself tempted to participate in a single moment of procrastination, I stop – I breathe. I realise and accept that something as magnificent as Rome was built one single moment at a time, so that I must be careful of what I accept and allow within/as myself for one single moment, because one moment of indulgence has the potential to create something as large as Rome: I must be careful that I do not deceive myself with bullshit. I do not accept or allow myself to underestimate what a single moment of participation can create. I accept and allow myself to value myself as this single moment, because this single moment decides and reflects who I will decide I am – the lifetime commitment I am making – and anything less than who I really am as Life that give to myself as Life as all as one and equal is self compromise.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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