Day 26: I Can’t Stand People Looking At My Mistakes

Don’t you hate it when everyone knows your mistakes and speaks about it like some secret behind your back?

The worst part/experience though, is when you want to know, but others won’t tell you.  And you won’t even tell yourself by having a look at what mistakes you have made.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to severely limit what I can do to practically support myself first to support as a group.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself harshly for realising that I have severely limited what I can do to support myself to support the group.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am part of a group and therefore must live within/as the consideration of the group, instead of creating an idea of myself as my individuality/singularity and attempting to make this idea real at the cost of denying the group’s will.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I must defend my free choice as individuality/singularity at all cost and that this is ‘my freedom’, when time has only proven that standing one and equal to/as the group as a group member is the ONLY access to freedom as the ability to direct myself within/as the world system in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself as my participation into wanting/needing/desiring to make a mental utopia real at the cost of ignoring the group and no longer considering the group.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I must get my hands ‘dirty’ to earn money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as bad/wrong when I do what it takes to earn money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘getting my hands dirty’ as doing what it takes to earn money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when I impose a judgment on myself for earning money – walking/developing the necessary skills to earn money – I have created a negative relationship to accumulate into a positive relationship as what I desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play a game of survival within myself where I constantly and continuously fight for my own individuality/singularity as my knowledge/information/assumptions about the world, instead of participating in this world and hearing what the world is by/through having no judgment whatsoever about what I hear/here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not only severely limit myself and judge myself for it, but react in regret/guilt/shame as well to/towards the position I alone placed myself in within/as my relationship to the world system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my process complicated when I do anything and everything BUT dropping all judgments and reactions to see what I have created and what consequences I accumulated for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that it is an unbearable experience to have failed and have everyone know about it and talk about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that everyone knowing and talking about me as my mistakes is shameful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the observation of people knowing and talking about my mistakes as an excuse to continue delaying facing myself by/through cycling in regret/guilt/shame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to run away from myself out of the excuse that other people have found out my mistakes.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that self honesty as that which remains when all ploys to hide and escape are dropped – judgments, regret/guilt/shame, knowledge/information, thoughts/emotions/feelings – is the ONLY answer to ALL points that I face in myself and my world and my reality, because everything that is here is because of what I had lived within and done without.

When I am drawn to the possibility of people knowing my mistakes without me knowing my own mistakes first, I stop – I breathe.  I do not accept or allow myself the backdoor of judgment or regret/guilt/shame because I realise and accept that the consequences of participating in judgment/regret are more painful than facing myself in self intimacy and self vulnerability.  I accept and allow myself to realise that for the inner conflict to stop, I must trust that I am the solution and close all backdoors to face myself as what I have created, alone because no one else can do this for me; only I can stop giving myself excuses.

I accept and allow myself to stop all excuses as silently spoken words in my Mind as backchat because I realise and accept that any words that do not directly bring about outcomes that are best for ALL are useless and serve as distractions meant to prevent me from actual change.  I do not accept or allow myself to waste my own time in excuses.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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One Response to Day 26: I Can’t Stand People Looking At My Mistakes

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