Day 38: No Pressure

Currently rushing out of fear.  I feel like I am pushing myself and pressuring myself to do more than what I can actually do again in a single moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pressure myself to do more than what I can actually do in a single moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I do not attempt to do more than what I can actually do, I will be progressing ‘too slow’ and I will get left behind by other people because I did not develop my abilities at the same pace as others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear of getting left behind to justify the self application of reacting within/as fear when I rush through every moment and imagine myself to be walking ‘faster’ because of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to derive an energetic high as an excited feeling from fear and participating in my world according to fear.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the absolute fastest I can walk is one moment at a time, only as ‘fast’ as what I can actually do in one moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to walk at a quicker pace than physical time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am walking in the Mind’s time when/as I participate from a starting point of fear or haste.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate responsibility to do what needs to be done consistently to the Mind as my thoughts/emotions/feelings, instead of taking back directive principle of myself and walking WITH myself one breath at a time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain here within/as my breath and my human physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be seduced by ambition and fear of failure to drive myself with the excited experience I get from driving myself with fear and ambition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I must drive myself faster to do things faster and better and quicker.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the slowest I can ever go is within/as physical time as the breath, so applying myself from a mind possessed state of fear and haste, the ‘direction’ I must decide to go is actually slower because the Mind always perceives and concludes itself to be going faster than the Physical as a living statement that the Mind/I am superior to what is here.

When I rush within/as stress, anxiety, and fear, I stop – I breathe.  I do not accept or allow my Mind to dominate and dictate the outcomes of my daily participation.  I accept and allow myself to apply myself by/through remaining here within/as my human physical body, within/as breath, one step at a time.  I do not accept or allow myself to delve into the imagination of how much more I will do once I have started to work.  I realise and accept that no matter how important or unimportant a specific task is, every task is done one step at a time, within/as physical time.

_______

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that if I walk faster in my process, I will do things faster and progress faster so that I can stop placing my mother in a constant state of fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the reactions of other people, such as the disappointed state of my mother, to determine what I live and the beliefs I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry and stress about the uncertainty of where I will allocate myself within/as the world system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify stressing myself within/as anxiety and fear by/through fearing other people interacting with me in a disappointed manner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the accepted and allowed expressions of other people to define who I am.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give myself full self responsibility for who I am, by/through only relying on myself as the primary point to direct and live decisions of what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself as directive principle into me and other people, such that I accept and allow other people’s words/expressions to affect who I am and what I decide to do with my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set myself up to blame other people when I will inevitably be stuck within/as a negative experience, when the positive experience runs out, when/as I partially define myself according to how and what other people are saying/expressing to/towards me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise/understand the end of the Mind is placed in the beginning, where by/through participating in the Mind within/as defining myself according to other people, I have also locked myself into experiencing the end of the Mind within/as blaming other people when everything goes wrong in my life; thus I have not taken self responsibility in fact, but have abdicated my responsibility for myself the moment I started to define my decisions according to what other people say/do to/towards me and others in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react negatively to/towards people that are disappointed at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be right and justified for reacting negatively to/towards people that are negative towards me, by/through giving a certain look or turning my face away to look at them skeptically.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts about how I must show to the other people how dissatisfied I am to/towards them looking down on me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am seeing myself looking down on myself, only reflected within/as other people’s expression to/towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate self responsibility by/through focusing on how others are treating me, at the direct cost of being aware of how I am treating myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to bring my awareness back to Self here because if I do not sort myself out first, my self interest as wants/needs/desires will only expose/reveal that which I want to see to validate my own preprogrammed conclusions about myself, others, and this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my own awareness by/through allowing myself to draw conclusions, expressed as statements spoken as a voice in the head, within/as a moment where I am still wanting, in spite of the clear evidence that living out of a desire only considers what I want, rather than what will work for everyone in this reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to apply the simplicity of stopping all desires regardless of what I desire, because desire is a statement made in separation of something/someone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself an excuse to repeat past established habits/patterns founded from self interest/greed, instead of seeing/realising/understanding that there is no excuse to repeat self interest as desires because the only person in my head that creates all of the experiences I have is me and me alone; when I fall into an excuse, I am the only one responsible for allowing this to happen, by/through a deliberate decision to give into the Mind such as the implied wants/needs/desires within/as a negative experience.

When I want to move faster in my process or do anything faster such that my actions are no longer decisions made from a point of common sense what is best for all living, I stop – I breathe.  I do not accept or allow myself to live/apply myself within/as a superlative as faster because I realise that this implies comparison and leaves too many opportunities for self doubt and self judgment within/as the possibility of seeing myself as not moving ‘fast enough’.  I realise and accept that attempting to move faster in living anything implies that what I realise I can do, in this moment, is apparently not good enough to walk myself in this moment to live what is best for all.  I accept and allow myself to embrace and live with what I can in fact do for myself in this moment to assist and support myself to live in a way that is best for all, NOT a desire to live what is best for all.  I accept and allow myself to use manifested consequence as an accurate indication of the nature of my daily accumulation of actions.

I do not accept or allow myself to use the extent of my obsession with desire – usually to do good or avoid bad/evil – as an indication of how effectively I am applying myself because thoughts/emotions/feelings operate out of self interest in separation of considering the consequences involving other people.  I do not accept or allow myself to use good/bad experience as an indication of my self effective application of change because experience is not a trustworthy nor accurate point with direct relation to the reality that all share equal and one.

When I am suspicious or skeptical of another person, of what they say or do, I stop – I breathe.  I do not accept or allow myself to use other people’s expressions as an excuse to blame them for conflicts that happen in my life.  I do not accept or allow myself to abdicate my responsibility for myself such as my own conflicts to/towards other people.  I accept and allow myself to take self responsibility for being suspicious and skeptical of myself in fact, because other people are only reflecting what I am accepting and allowing within/as myself, such as how I felt forced into reacting to/towards another person’s expression to/towards me.  I accept and allow myself to take self responsibility for what I experience within/as other people’s expressions by/through sorting out all possible inner conflicts I am able to conjure from the other person as a trigger until I am clear within me in terms of where I stand within/as living out the decision of who I am when I am facing a person expressing themselves as negative.

 

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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