Day 39: I Fear Authority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger when I am constantly watched by an authority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame people in authority positions for my negative experience when they are constantly monitoring me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to not be human when authorities watch over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately victimize myself when/as authorities watch over me, out of the excuse that authorities only watch over me when they suspect me of something or do not trust me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to jump to the conclusions that I am untrustworthy and a criminal when/as authorities watch over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to construct a specific personality mask as belief system to live for me when/as authorities watch over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate responsibility for myself when authorities watch over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to have a personality mask act for me when authorities watch over me, because I fear them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself within/as the context of who I am when being constantly watched over by authority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to cope with the fear I have when authorities watch over me, by/through abdicating responsibility for myself to a belief system of knowledge/information that will act for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that there must be something wrong with me when/as an authority decides to watch over me, or keep an eye on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself to be inherently flawed morally such that an authority has to watch over me to make sure that I do not harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate responsibility for my actions to an authority when I fear authority watching over me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise/understand that when I fear authority watching over me, I am in fact fearing a part of myself as an experience/memory that I have attached to/towards authority watching over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in absolute anger and rage in a memory where my mother as my first authority did everything in her power to make me do what she wants, even at the expense of my own initial self comfortability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for past moments where I become up more convoluted and more confused within/as myself when I gave up parts of myself as my participation to suit other’s wants/needs/desires of how they would like me to be/act.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to/towards myself in absolute rage towards me as a child when in one moment, I realised that I lost something precious about my inner experience of myself, while doing everything I was told and becoming the good child that my mother demanded me to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress my genuine concern for what I did to myself that made me lose an important part of my inner experience, out of the excuse that I have a life to lead and I cannot lead it by contemplating about what happened now; I will investigate myself later.

To be continued.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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