Day 42: I Wish Time Would Move Faster

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire for time to go faster when I perceive myself to have nothing to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear time going too slowly.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question myself when I fear time going ‘too slowly’ because ‘slower time’ only means that I have more opportunities where I may face myself and walk this process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that when time goes slower, I have exponentially more chances where I will make a mistake and screw up my consistency in applying myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect myself to make a mistake as a matter of time, such that when I do not make a mistake frequently enough, I will panic and actually create a mistake for myself to validate my own notions about who I think I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing memories of wanting to skip class to define me, such that now, when I am not doing what I would like to do as the Mind as something important, I will wish/hope for time to go faster so that I may do the things that I as the Mind would like to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to manipulate time only to realise that I cannot, so I manipulate my own perception of time when I deliberately immerse myself into the Mind’s time just to try and make time go apparently faster for me in the self interest of wanting/needing/desiring to do something more important/big.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that participating in the Mind’s time as stupidity loops/time loops of reacting is an apparently valid option to take.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise/understand that when I participate in the Mind, and exist in the Mind’s time, I am abdicating myself from acting for/as myself to reacting to/towards various thoughts/emotions/feelings I have about what is here in the moment, instead of directly responding to what is here within/as self awareness from a starting point of doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to panic when I have directed myself within/as every moment for long enough.

I forgive myslef for not accepting and allowing myself to establish self trust by/through applying the simplicity of directing myself within/as every moment regardless of how long I have done it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I have done something long enough, I have accumulated a work substantial enough to fear losing it with one single tiny mistake.

I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the importance as size of each task, and how long I have done each task for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that actual work as myself can be erased in a single moment as one mistake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself into polarities of right/wrong where I am constantly and continuously obsessed about when I might make a mistake that will apparently invalidate everything else I have done and topple the pyramid of cards I have stacked up as moments of walking the process of self change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that when I have directed myself as each point that requires direction here in every moment, my life is going too well for my liking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the preference of having constant and continuous conflict in myself and my world so that I have something to talk about to myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that conflict is the only theme that can be classified as ‘something to talk about to myself and other people’.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise/understand that something to talk about with myself and others is what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse the living of the decision to only participate in what is best for all, only to shift my participation to the want/need/desire for conflict for some point to compare myself to and identify myself within/as the comparison.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to comparing myself to the worst as represented and reflected in conflicts, in all of its forms.

When I wish time to go faster, I stop – I breathe.  I realise and accept that time is uncontrollable and walks at a constant pace.  I do not accept or allow myself to exert myself as a self righteous ego when trying to make time go faster so that I do not face myself as the task at hand that I dislike.  I accept and allow myself to face myself as the task at hand that I have used to become excuse/justification to want/need/desire for time to go faster.  I accept and allow myself to continue establishing self trust and self effectiveness when I constantly and continuously face myself – where I am always in my face to realise the process I had walked to create tasks at hand which I dislike.  I do not accept or allow myself to give myself the excuse to want to participate in escaping/hiding/suppressing/delaying when I dislike parts of myself in moments, such as specific tasks, types of people, and environments.  I accept and allow myself to face myself as my own self dislike as the dislike for certain specific tasks/people/circumstances/environments.  I accept and allow myself to stop the dislike and instead participate in my world and within myself according to what needs to be done practically in physical reality, rather than a delusional emotional world of thoughts.

 

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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2 Responses to Day 42: I Wish Time Would Move Faster

  1. Pingback: Riding Trains | Infinite Sadness… or what?

  2. Pingback: Let’s talk about forgiveness | After The Betrayal

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