Day 45: Excitement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that excitement is an indication that the future is bright within/as the self created illusion that because I am feeling a positive energetic charge, that I have already walked the PHYSICAL process in the necessary time frames to ensure a future as myself as living example that is necessary to practice in/as being the best neighbour.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that nothing is going well until I am excited about what is going on in myself and my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I am not excited, I am not enjoying myself enough to eternally commit myself to be consistent in doing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as the process of writing self forgiveness according to the positive energetic charge I allow myself to generate in converting my self awareness within/as statements of self forgiveness into a positive feeling to quench and further validate the belief that I cannot live/breathe without having a positive fix of thoughts/emotions/feelings as beliefs/opinions/words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drive myself into a corner where I logically must fear myself while writing self forgiveness because within/as the positive action of being excited that I am actually writing self forgiveness as part of committing myself to walk the 7 year journey to Life blogging project; I am actually constantly remaining self conscious about the moments that I am not excited so in abandoning myself from considering what I would do with myself when I am not excited = I fear being in the position of being unexcited or even worse = unpassionate in what I am doing and living and applying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to internally structure myself into a grading system within/as excitement designed by ME ALONE therefore I alone am responsible for judging myself with a mental checklist/questionnaire to verify and validate my own decision to participate in Energy as the feeling of excitement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to internally structure all words as hidden mental checklists where I would form conclusions about myself and my world that ALWAYS are ultimately assumptions made about reality because from the start I damned myself to the consequences of Energy by/through participating in Energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abandon myself in my reality as the actual process that requires to be walked to direct myself in my reality, only to participate in an endless stupidity loop/time loop of participating in the process of building up positive energy in myself and my world, only to constantly see my hard work crumble within my hands into negative energy, while my reality becomes more and more unkept because I abandoned myself within/as reality to flirt with myself within/as my thoughts/emotions/feelings when I participate in a desire, such as the desire to be excited before making the decision apply consistency in/as doing what needs to be done.

I commit myself to stop fuelling the obsession to obtain the ultimate positive feeling.

I commit myself to start supporting myself in my reality by/through first remaining aware of who I am here in/as every moment, within/as practicing asserting the decision of who I am to realign moments where I have participated in the Mind of thoughts/emotions/feelings at the cost of being a participant in reality.

I commit myself to see excitement for the drug that it is as all positive feelings are because I realise and accept that all positive feelings, no matter how I exalt them, only last for a moment out of many moments of my life.

I commit myself to recognize the extreme difficulty that I actually faced within/as the pursuit of happiness, as the difficulty inherent in dedicating my entire life as every moment – billions upon billions of moments – to design one handful of specific moments, that from the very beginning of my decision = I already knew what kind of experience I wanted, or else I could not design such a specific process of backchat and backchat justifying reactions/judgments to myself pursuing my own pursuit of happiness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress myself as the anger reactions I in fact gave to myself within/as limiting myself into characters and letting each of the many characters lead my life for me according to which one is the most effective, like trying on and modifying clothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to further hide and suppress my anger reactions when I smile when actually I am frowning within/as myself according to the first layer of/as anger reaction to/towards myself boxing myself into characters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excitement to hide and suppress the anger I accept and allow to lash out on myself for boxing myself into characters, and to further project my acceptance and allowance of excitement as positive feeling to/towards my world such that I blame my world when everything I have done in this point has gone to shit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I require to be greater/more than what I am now to survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excitement to drive myself to be/become greater/more than what I am now at all cost.

I commit myself to stop suppressing negative experience with equally intense positive experience within the false belief of balance defined in/as separation that manifest jealousy/comparison/competition between good/positive experience with bad/negative experience.

I commit myself to face myself as the initial point of the inception of my habits/patterns always hidden within/as the negative experiences I accept and allow to define me, that accumulate into neutral, then positive energetic experience.

I commit myself to start participating in my world and my reality from the starting point of remaining here WITHOUT Energy as thoughts/emotions/feelings so that I may stop fuelling the machinery as habits/patterns that assist and support myself as the Mind to further entrap and lock myself into a mental delusion.

I commit myself to ground myself in physical reality by/through remaining here in/as physical time, as is lived within/as every moment of breath, so I commit myself to apply myself in every breath to stop the Mind to realise and live the reality of a moment within/as breath that represent physical time and therefore physical reality.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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