Day 50: Postponement Character

‘But I have to postpone this’ character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone doing certain specific tasks that are what needs to be done to support myself to be practical and effective in myself and my world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise the consequences that I am accepting and allowing for every moment that I postpone as the obvious: I do not accumulate that which I would have accumulated had I done the work I postponed, and always inevitably end up in positions where I alone fucked up myself and my life, and ended up being/becoming less than what I could have been had I simply walked the daily work that needs to be done.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that by/through delaying walking tasks, I am creating memories and giving myself more excuses to participate in regret/guilt/shame, instead of pushing through the resistance to walk tasks, one moment at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am being apparently smart for postponing a task because I believe I am doing a more important task; a task that I have not attached difficulty to, and in that valuing the Mind as a positive-energy experience instead of valuing Life as my life by/through giving myself the work to walk the path of least resistance, by/through pushing through the path of most resistance in the realisation that no matter how I feel, I am responsible for what I do and do not do, and will have to live with the consequences of what I do and do not do in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am waiting for others when in fact I am waiting for myself to move and direct myself in my world and reality by/through doing the work, walking the process required to complete what needs to be done daily like maintaining the hygiene of my human body daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the expectation that I must do what needs to be done, driven by the negative motivation of fear, before I am consistent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain numb to the inevitable difficulty and hardship I will face if I do not do what needs to be done to walk the path of least resistance in my world, instead of being/becoming aware of the stupidity and arrogance of not doing the work, yet wanting/needing/desiring the consequences if/when I do the work.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise/understand that my life is a part of the physical body that I alone am responsible for, so just as no one is responsible except for me to maintain my own personal hygiene, no one is responsible for the consequences I dislike except for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, in searching/seeking for some big point that will explain how/why I am postponing so much in various contexts, I am actually implying a want/need/desire for difficulty to exist in those contexts because I am searching for difficulty, instead of doing the work and pushing THROUGH the difficulties that arise at any time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I am so powerful within/as myself that when I search for difficulty and expect a point of difficulty, I will inevitably – as a matter of time – deceive myself into believing that that specific task that I am working with is difficult, when every case is the same: I either am walking the process, or I am not, and how I feel about it does not change any outcome but the outcome I imagine in my Mind, and that is worthless.

I commit myself to stop searching for difficulty because searching for trouble implies that trouble must exist, such that if I do not find trouble and continue to search, I will create trouble for myself that is unnecessary from the beginning.

I commit myself to show that the real difficulty is within/as the smaller as the moments where I am faced with the choice of completing work or doing something else, and I have programmed within myself to resist completing the work.

I commit myself to apply myself in the smaller as those moments of facing difficulty in starting work or continuing to work because these are the real difficulty that I have created and now must face if I am going to reap consequences that I would like to reap as part of the decision to live in a way that is best for all.

I commit myself to apply the common sense that to reap different consequences I must break the habits I have established as revealed how I use my time, to establish new habits that actually assist and support me, and that no one can or will do this for me except for myself.

I commit myself to investigate and embrace the real changes/costs that I will have to create/give to myself, in the understanding that I create unnecessary difficulty for myself when I deny/hide/suppress the actual costs I require giving to myself to live out my decisions effectively.

I commit myself to show that all spite and judgment is useless in motivating myself to do what needs to be done; the only point that will do what needs to be done is myself, so I am the solution and the point is to apply myself as the solution and realise myself as all Life as motivation to live.

If I had pushed through the difficulty in real time and just did the work I need to do, I would not have to write self forgiveness in preparing the way for me to realign recent mistakes of programming myself to procrastinate/postpone.  So I push NOW

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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