I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that there exists moments where I must catch up with others if I am to survive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define supporting myself as developing the necessary skills to direct myself effectively in my world according to comparing myself to other people’s skills, immediately becoming jealous and afraid, and immediately coming to the false conclusion that I must develop my skills to ‘catch up’ with others out of the belief that if I am behind others = I will be left behind in the daily competition to die.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the effectiveness of the skills I have developed over a lengthy process of time and self discipline, especially in comparison to other people’s effectiveness in those skills from the starting point of wanting/needing/desiring to be more effective and therefore apparently more than other people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself and blame others for situations where I had clearly not given myself the time and self discipline to walk a specific skill to effectiveness in reality, instead of realising that I am responsible for my own fuck up if I did not even give myself the time and attention to walk the process that is necessary to be walked by everyone to develop one and equal skills.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I have not used my time to develop skills that I will use daily within/as myself and my world, that how I have used my time is a waste and I must be j