Day 54: I Wish I Was Young Again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the belief that there is a point where it is stupid to continue participating when that which I am participating in, as I interpret to be the world, is ‘against’ my own expectations of the world and of other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself separate from the world to apparently be/become individual in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that when I am faced with what I have defined to be evil and disgusting with no special exemption from participating with what is here – what I have falsely concluded in my Mind to be evil and disgusting – I am forced to be/become a victim in that I believe/interpret myself to not actually want to participate with what is here, therefore being in fact part of what is here I interpret myself to be forced by every person/circumstance/event to part-icipate with what is here as what I believe to be disgusting and evil.

I realise and accept that nothing that is here is disgusting or evil, and that every attempt to give myself reason/excuse to escape/run away from what is here is a moment of deliberate self-deception/self-dishonesty, in refusing to see/realise/understand that what is here is myself and therefore my responsibility to direct and stand for myself in terms of what I will accept and allow and what I will not.

I commit myself to see/realise/understand that any and every attempt to victimize myself to/towards people/events/circumstances is in fact a moment of deliberate self manipulation that I must stop immediately, or else always live as less than what I can actually be/become as a one and equal part of Life, because I have separated myself from what is here when I victimized myself to apparently ‘wash my hands clean’ from the apparently disgusting deeds that are committed daily in the world.

I commit myself to investigate the wants/needs/desires I have integrated within myself, that motivate me to victimize myself and try to absolve myself of responsibility for what is happening daily here instead of recognizing myself as responsible for what is here as the world because the world is in fact a reflection of myself and thus take self responsibility with the tools of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to become a child again out of the excuse that if I could rewalk my life again with what I know now = I would have made decisions that would not accumulate consequences that I now have to face as who I am NOW, within/as the Physical.

I realise and accept that this is just another excuse conjured within/as the creativity of my Mind to abdicate responsibility for myself to generate more conflict/friction in my life to accumulate into neutral, and positive energy experience.

I commit myself to remain here in my world and reality and who I am in this moment, to actually give myself the time and self discipline as consistency to continuously support myself to LIVE what is best for all, and living cannot be done ingraining myself in the past and what I could have done in the past.

I commit myself to show that what matters is what is real, and what is real are the consequences I have accumulated myself into/as, manifested and experienced as other people/events/circumstances and the various characters I have designed to manage these people/events/circumstances in the self interest for the most positive feeling experience, in separation of what would be most positive for all as what is best for all.

I commit myself to show that Real value is in what is real, and what is real is who I am in THIS moment; thus any thoughts about the past, present, or future are meaningless and worthless in fact because they do not in ANY way contribute to me directing myself to live what is best for all in THIS moment, as an indication that I am in fact LIVING and not participating in the Mind delusion of wanting what has already past or what I have not given the necessary time and discipline for.

I commit myself to stop placing myself under unnecessary strain and pressure trying to relive my past to correct it in my thoughts/emotions/feelings of the Mind, to instead apply myself within/as what is real and therefore will actually have an impact/change on myself as living example and eventually the world within/as every moment of my REAL participation able to be measured with time and results.

I commit myself to show that living is my daily test to measure in real time my integrity and self movement to change myself as how I use my time to use my time in ways that are best for all.

I commit myself to apply myself in every moment of breath as a living decision that is constantly made daring to do what is best for all, in a self directive principle to face myself practically within/as walking what is here, one Real step at a time within/as each moment that I dare to stop my Mind to apply self change, such as stopping entertaining myself in thoughts and that which trigger positive thoughts to instead do what needs to be done.

I commit myself to show that it is never too late to start living, by/through accepting who I really am as what is here to apply – instead of complain about – myself within/as what is here as myself, always facing Self first and taking self responsibility first, by/through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application daily.

I realise and accept that every excuse that involves blaming the world/people/events/circumstances is always done within/as self interest, primarily the want/need/desire to absolve oneself of consequence when the ONLY way for ANY human being to change the world to what is best for all is to change ourselves to what is best for all first, in which the door of opportunity/time is given when we give ourselves time to write self forgiveness and self commitment statements, and we walk through each door of opportunity when in real time we dare to apply the change we have scripted for ourselves within/as our self forgiveness and self commitment statements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I want/need/desire to be a child again/younger again because of the burdens that the world/people/events/circumstances have apparently forced onto me, when in fact I was the one that ultimately accepted these burdens to be MINE in the MINE-d of thoughts/emotions/feelings so now must accept responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise/understand that even within/as the excuses I have used to justify wanting/needing/desiring to be younger again, I have believed in these statements out of self interest yet again; the self interest of wanting a quick fix solution to the mistakes I have made resulting in consequences for myself that I do not want to face because I myself have feared these consequences of myself, of who/how/what I have become as the Mind.

I commit myself to show that the want/need/desire to be young again is just another excuse to further waste everyone’s time as I waste my own time pursuing quick fix solutions to my problems within/as the greater pursuit of happiness and self fulfillment, at the cost of considering others as myself and that everyone’s fulfillment as living beings would imply my own fulfillment as living being, one and equal = best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorize/separate myself into child, teen, and adult versions of me and treating each of these versions to be apparently real simultaneously, – in spite there are many contradictions between versions – instead of seeing/realising/understanding that the only version that is real is the version of who I am that is here, reflected in every moment of interacting with what is here.

I commit myself to show that because who I really am is Life as that which is real, what I ultimately want/need/desire – that I had chased within/as projections conjured by the Mind for things like fame,fortune, and prestige – is to be real and realise who I am by/through living so that I stop the conflict/friction that I created when I decided for different characters to direct difficult situations that I may face in any given instant/reaction.

I commit myself to be/become real by/through accepting the responsibility that I face of myself as my accepted and allowed creation of many characters/personalities/faces designed to abdicate decisions/responsibilities to the Mind, by/through daily writing, applying self forgiveness, daily self commitment statements, and daily self corrective action.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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