Day 62: Pained Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that it is normal to have some painful experiences that I would not like to experience. Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when such memories are triggered, go into self manipulation to manipulate myself to basically avoid facing myself as the painful memory that was just triggered.

I commit myself to show that the only one that is harmed when I choose to manipulate myself/to feel painful about myself as memories and immediately hide/suppress it = is me alone, because I delay facing myself within/as self honesty that is the key to effective self movement within/as physical reality, and to me stopping my own mental delusional reality. Because in/as applying myself within/as self honesty: I am directly seeing/realising/understanding the effects of my participation on myself within as my beingness and without as people/events/circumstance, thus allowing myself to be effective in living my decisions/moving myself in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse physical indications of pain – especially emotional pain – as a manipulation tactic to try to convince others to support me when who I am really waiting for to support me is myself, by/through facing myself as the painful memory and letting go of the friction/conflict I have generated from a moment that no longer exists: and the parts that do exist only exist as personal excuses/justifications to drive self interest at the cost of remaining blind to what is here as this physical reality.

I commit myself to STOP making myself blind and ignorant to what is here as this physical reality – in the absolute specificity and detail of what in fact drives this world in the greater, reflected in what drives me as a human being in the smaller – by/through STOPPING all ploys of self interest, one point at a time, starting with the Pained Character mask and suit, and continuing to stop the characters one point at a time. Therefore I commit myself to daily walk at least ONE point with myself as one character, who/what/how I have created this character in self interest, and to realign myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to show that all characters represent accepted and allowed moments of self compromise because self as who I really am BEHIND those characters are deliberately being ignored for various reasons/excuses/justification grounded in self interest, therefore I commit myself to practice being here with myself daily with the daily application of writing, self forgiveness, self commitment statements, and self corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that painful experiences are always experiences that I require support from others to stop and move on, in spite that I KNOW that I created my inner experience of pain, and therefore am absolutely capable of stopping my accepted and allowed experience, especially when such moments of pain are related to memories that I alone took personally within/as myself to manipulate me into an experience of pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I am gaining something when I manipulate myself to do anything, regardless of whether that is good/bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I trust myself when I manipulate myself to complete certain tasks throughout the day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that the end/results justify the means/methods when I accept and allow myself to manipulate myself to do tasks that I perceive/interpret/conclude to be self supportive, in spite that I clearly require deceiving myself when I decide to manipulate myself.

I commit myself to show that for making the choice to feel pained and blame everything and everyone in free choice, I squander the opportunity to instead support me through applying the principle of self honesty no matter what happens, especially in moments when self honesty is most inconvenient because as the Mind, principles prove themselves to not be principles in fact when I make exceptions here and there out of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must garner/win other people’s support to be able to face my own self created painful experiences, instead of realising that even if people do support me as best as they can = I am the one that ultimately must forgive myself and let go of my accepted and allowed relationship with the specific memory; if other people support me when I am not willing to support myself first, other people’s support is rendered useless and I remain in a similar position of helplessness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that although I alone created my inner experience of emotional pain, I am unable to stop until others are speaking supportive words to me for a long enough period of time to actually stop and change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay the decision to support myself unconditionally, to instead create a delusion that I apparently require others to support me before I can support myself.

Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prolong and accumulate the painful experience to be more painful while I design and apply more survival habits/patterns to hide/suppress the painful experience, only to ultimately realise that I must face myself as the painful experience with no escape/backdoors/plans of defence/attack as strategy grounded in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stupidity loop in layering reactions of self defence when/as painful memories are triggered by myself or my surroundings, deluded in the belief that I am defending myself when in fact I am justifying the separation I deliberately manifest between me and my painful experience that reflect a part of myself that I have denied to be me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny myself the opportunity to be here with me when having a painful experience, out of the excuse that I must be ‘strong’ and ruthless to face myself reflected within/as my world to survive, let alone thrive.

I commit myself to stop giving myself excuses to delay facing myself because I see/realise/understand that I have all of the tools necessary to face myself: writing, self forgiveness, self commitment statements, and self corrective application, and the ONE point that requires for all of these tools to work is if I am willing to apply myself.

I commit myself to show that a painful experience that triggers a reaction represents an abdication of responsibility, because within/as the painful experience I am waiting for others to heal me when I can immediately heal myself by/through applying myself in this very moment. Therefore I commit myself to show that any excuse I have to delay facing/exposing myself from the starting point of finally getting to know the real me, that creates the real consequences I receive regardless, represents another angle I have designed to manipulate myself within/as self interest/greed.

I commit myself to investigate the excuses I have placed as temptations in my daily life, to expose myself as the mind mechanism of reactions and behaviour designed to ultimately win the most positive feeling experience for me alone. In this, I commit myself to ground myself in real consequences and real responsibilities instead of indulging in the mental wants/needs/desires – that from a certain perspective, represent fear-driven responsibilities of the Mind – for only a positive feeling for me alone.

I commit myself to prove and show that I actually care about myself by/through applying myself in what is real, such as the real responsibilities that I have that cannot be walked other than one moment at a time, accumulated through the Equality Equation of 1 + 1 = 2, for periods of time ranging from one day to a lifetime.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
This entry was posted in 7 Year Journey To Life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s