Day 68: Introducing The Maniacal Genius Character

I looked up to the stereotype of the egotistical, frantic, but caring guy that produced great work.  So, I created in myself a similar character out of want/need/desire.  What I am beginning to realise is that I miss the entire point of worth, great work, etc. as the physical process and living that is always a lifetime commitment, to instead be this character out of the delusional belief that this character is what makes me great/worthy/valuable etc.  The physical consequence of this is I make more mistakes, give myself more temptation to feel like a failure, and further lose myself in the delusion that the Mind as thoughts/emotions/feelings play perfectly.

Also, because of this character, I stopped writing periodically, for various excuses; I became angry and therefore missed the opportunity to really walk with myself and sit with myself to write for a moment.  Time is not as benevolent as is portrayed in seconds, minutes, and hours; I have seen myself fear failure the most when I think about time in these terms.  And no matter how I think of time, I still live it the exact same way = one breath at a time, each breath one and equal to the next otherwise I would have died already.

As a child, being quieter than most I already thought of myself as passive and somewhat duller than most kids.  So I was obsessed with the idea of the crazy but great artist because I saw this idea as a path to brighten up parts of me that I worried were dull compared to others.
To be continued…


About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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