Doing what I feel. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my addiction is an addiction to energy, so that if I merely suppress the addictive character in one way then it will reassert itself by some other means unless I have completely cleared the fears that make the addictive character required.
So a bit of an ego dent, in not being equal to just pop out and do in the addictive character. And then, following the dent, an equal and opposite blow-out, with the I’ve done something wrong and fucked up feelings to avoid, out comes the whatever I feel like as good feelings character as a reassertion of the addiction to energy system.
So it’s the feeling like I’ve done something wrong that comes up.
With this re-assertion and this ‘wrong’ feeling in my experience and the character…
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