I’m beginning to see how I have created my own moment of not passing exams, and the general pattern of hiding within entertainment.
In one moment, I decided to watch one movie. By the end I realised that I was ‘up there somewhere’ in my Mind having a good time, at the cost of physicality: the awareness of the decision I have made that required consistent self application.
How is such a ‘good time’ valid when it is at the cost of blinding myself to what is here and the good time is only for me?
Always, in a moment of temptation, we tend to convince ourselves that the consequences of one single indulgence can be repaid. But time spent is spent: we only have a finite number of breaths on this Earth, and we have no idea when our breath ends. One moment of breath spent on participating in the Mind – such as watching a movie to activate it – is a waste, no matter how good the feeling.
The feeling is only for me alone, so the space-time process I walked to achieve the good feeling is at the direct consequence of neglecting the space-time necessary to direct myself in a way that is best for all. The good feeling is also with a price of having to deal with the entire polarity cycle of energy, how always the vast majority of time is dedicated to accumulating negative experiences for that one fleeting instant of positive energy experience. The cost is not only myself though – it is at the cost of standing for a principle, because at every inconvenient moment or moment I do not feel like facing, the ‘instant gratification’ of Energy is a barrier to any kind of change in my daily living.
When this ‘instant gratification’ is accepted and allowed, I really fuck with myself because everything takes way more time in the Physical than it does in the Mind: so as a Mind, the Physical always seems slow and dopey. But obviously physicality is the opposite: every single breath is what makes my living possible, but I can stop thinking and still be alive. Laziness: how is it made? Through one moment at a time, of making the decision to be lazy and accumulating moments one at a time. So I equally as one must apply myself in the same way, walking backwards into/as my acceptances and allowances.