I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define studying according to a memory where I reacted in anger to my mother for not being able to explain why I was studying continuously. When/as I see myself participating in an activity that triggers an anger/annoyance reaction, I stop and I breathe. I realise that basing my participation on a memory is an example of participating in delusions. I commit myself to stop anger/annoyance – any emotions/feelings – from influencing my decision to support myself and all in the Physical, to instead do what needs to be done because it is the best for all in the Physical; not what I think about the action according to emotions/feelings that I clearly did not create, or else I would see my decision and exactly how I created/designed the emotion/feeling to appear in my head alone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define studying according to keeping external authorities ‘in control’ from defining me to be undesirable. When/as I see myself studying from the starting point/motivation of controlling authority, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am in fact unable to control authorities in any way whatsoever because to have control over others separate from myself is to be able to brainwash others for personal gain. I commit myself to study because it is what I need to do to direct myself in my world to a daily participation and beingness that provide stability in my relationships and money, which currently hold an unacceptable power over a person’s life at the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from who I am when studying such that I experience myself as apparently studying, and even more capable within/as thinking of others and everything else but studying, but when the studying is difficult, treat the difficulty as something apparently complex and unsolvable; requiring anything but myself. When/as I see myself believing that I am apparently capable of multitasking literally, I stop and breathe. I realise that I sabotage myself when I underestimate what is physically required to study effectively. I commit myself to dedicate my attention on the ONE task, who I am when completing the task because this is the only way to practice a point for real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define studying according to the statement, “I’m doing this to get this done and over with.”, in spite that I inevitably dissuade myself from studying with this statement lived into reality. When/as I see myself doing something to ‘get it done and over with’, I stop and breathe. I realise that in a moment where I accepted and allowed myself to fuel a personality with the statement, “I’ll just get this done and over with”, I could have done the straightforward obvious point of supporting myself by/through for example, measuring my progress and correcting myself more often.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask the question, “Why am I studying so much?”, from the starting point of personal gain. When/as I see myself asking questions from the starting point of self interest, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am designing and creating my own answer, which will always be a delusion, when asking questions in self interest because self interest implies the tacit permission to omit and add to my opinion of what is here. I commit myself to ask questions that are relevant to what I can do to live what is best for all, implying that I will always challenge my own self interest rather than participate in it.