Day 107: Desire To Be Accepted

Continued from Day 106: Being Accepted

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react in fear of being/becoming nothing when my mother as my primary relationship at the time had a possibility of failing. When/as I see myself fearing losing myself when/as a relationship is seen/realised/understood to be collapsing, I stop and breathe. I realise that the change within/as me is only real if I change within AND without, within this I realise that my pre-existing relationships collapsing is an indication that I am in fact changing. I commit myself to stop speeding up and reacting in fear to relationships in my world collapsing. I commit myself to instead direct myself through the fear by/through investigating and stopping the fear, meanwhile I do not accept or allow the fear to control specific decisions to change, and instead accumulate the moments of change into/as a manifested reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in conscious mind thoughts about everything and everyone but myself, in this only fueling a delusional reliance on other people’s validation to believe that I exist as certain specific characters that I have adopted and copied out of personal gain alone. When/as I see myself seeking other people’s validation for me to validate my own characters, I stop and breathe. I realise that even when other people validate a character, only I alone am able to convince myself to give myself the permission to be/become the character and consume physicality to turn into Energy, therefore I realise that I am the solution to stopping the reliance on external validation because I am creating myself to have the reliance, and justifying through thoughts, backchat, imagination, and physical behaviours to continue to have the reliance. I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to remain apathetic and lazy in not facing the thoughts, backchat, imagination, and physical behaviours I have created because the only person that suffers as direct consequences of the laziness and deliberate apathy and claiming the laziness to be MY laziness and apathy is myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the belief that to change the relationships in my world I must play characters, by design ‘more’ than who I am to gain more positive relationships, that I believe would create the desired outcomes in my world. When/as I see myself playing characters to try and manipulate relationships to desired outcomes of self interest, I stop and breathe. I realise that characters alone do not determine the relationships that I have in my world, my relationship with myself determines the relationships in my world. I commit myself to stop playing characters from the starting point of controlling and manipulating the relationships in my world for personal gain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself by/through only seeing value in myself according to the specialness given to high marks/grades/achievements, and anything else of myself that cannot be categorized in these tables of values I deliberately ignore. When/as I see myself only valuing myself according to my own self interest of personal gain, I stop and breathe. I Realise that who I am is not just a collection of marks and grades in which I judge myself to be good/bad. I Commit myself to discard judging myself as good/bad, to accept myself and stand equal as myself, so that I may regain awareness and direct myself to what needs to be done to create a world that is best for all, which cannot be done alone or in a short period of time; and must be done as a group.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into characters that lived my life for me, such as in moments where I did not want to remain here and walk through an experience, I would abdicate directive principle to a character to pass the time ‘quicker’. When/as I see myself becoming uncomfortable/fearful such that I am tempted to allow an automated preprogrammed character to dominate for a moment – to pass time quicker or to not face myself for a moment – I stop and breathe. I realise that no stability is possible until I stop all Energy-generating activities, such as participating in thoughts/emotions/feelings, so when I not only have a cycle of energetic uncomfortability, but decide to fuel an additional cycle as a character, my experience of myself will obviously become more difficult as my attention to reality is given away to the Mind, while I float in my head alone in a positive feeling which I KNOW has no real significance to supporting anything in any way but a contrived creation as the Mind.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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One Response to Day 107: Desire To Be Accepted

  1. Pingback: Day 113: Disappointed At Myself Means Disappointed At My World | Kasper's Journey To Life

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