Day 108: Dropping Out Is Not The End Of The World

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the idea/concept of a university dropout.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a university dropout negatively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny and refuse to accept the consequences I had accumulated for myself alone, as the deliberate apathy and blame over time that I had accumulated to justify no longer studying, as the sole requirement for remaining in university.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project and blame the shameful and regretful experience that I have to/towards my mother and all who are involved with me in relationships.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to refuse to take responsibility for how I myself am creating the shame and regret that I am experiencing, in the context of not fulfilling the requirements to stay in university and continually do what is necessary to direct myself in my world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame the resistance I alone experience with committing the majority of a day to what needs to be done, such as studying to walk the process of getting a degree at university, to/towards how everyone is expected to commit their life to exchange their labour for money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react in disgust to/towards the idea of committing my entire life to exchanging my labour for money and my own survival.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the belief that it is meaningless to exchange my entire life as time to labour and exchange the labour for money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and blame the action of studying for my current accepted and allowed situation, as one human being that is limiting himself from studying to get the necessary grade and generally do what needs to be done to direct myself in my world.

I Forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit my participation from doing what needs to be done, to remaining in an energetic addiction to a select few activities: basic body movement and maintenance, watching videos, writing half assed, sleeping, eating, trying to study.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to remain within/as ‘trying to study’, within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in not wanting to study in fact within/as TRYING to study instead of studying.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself fully while studying, such that I apply myself to study, with no backchat or thoughts.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to be ‘less than’ a human being apparently because I have accepted and allowed myself to do what needs to be done to be/become a university dropout.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realise that daily, I am in fact accepting and allowing myself to do what needs to be done to remain a university dropout apparently incapable of passing exams.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find reasons/justifications for why I am currently incapable of studying to pass exams as a bare minimum requirement at this moment in time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the belief that I am incapable of studying to pass exams because of my ‘innate’ ability, in this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ignore the clear fact that I am not passing exams because I did not walk and actually do the studying necessary to cover enough percentage of the material to pass exams.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the belief that who I am is apparently incapable of studying to pass exams, in spite that I have not even APPLIED MYSELF to studying over a period of time, and have remained stagnant in repeating the same activities endlessly.

When/as I see myself complaining that studying and doing what needs to be done for a lifetime is apparently ‘not worth the trouble’, I stop and breathe. I realise that when I do not accept or allow myself to do what needs to be done in this moment, I am saying to myself that assisting and supporting myself in my world as the reality that I require to physically support myself is apparently ‘not worth the trouble’. I realise that I continue to accept and allow the world to continue functioning in a way that harms Life in every way, when I react to/towards doing what needs to be done for myself.

I Commit myself to see/realise/understand that doing what needs to be done is for myself, and myself alone. I commit myself to see/realise/understand that I am able to express myself within doing what needs to be done, if I accept and allow myself to stop participating in fear.

When/as I see myself feigning studying, in not giving studying everything of myself, as the attention and care in investigating in detail, I stop and breathe. I realise that no one but myself suffers from studying half-assed because the only person that has to re-read the material over and over again is myself, and the time spent on repeating is wasted and gone.

I commit myself to see/realise/understand the actual harm I inflict on myself when I waste the time in each day repeating studying the same material, and deliberately not actually apply myself within the material.