Day 109: Acceptance As Precursor To Manipulation

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the belief that to change the relationships in my world I must play characters, by design ‘more’ than who I am to gain more positive relationships, that I believe would create the desired outcomes in my world. When/as I see myself playing characters to try and manipulate relationships to desired outcomes of self interest, I stop and breathe. I realise that characters alone do not determine the relationships that I have in my world, my relationship with myself determines the relationships in my world. I commit myself to stop playing characters from the starting point of controlling and manipulating the relationships in my world for personal gain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself by/through only seeing value in myself according to the specialness given to high marks/grades/achievements, and anything else of myself that cannot be categorized in these tables of values I deliberately ignore. When/as I see myself only valuing myself according to my own self interest of personal gain, I stop and breathe. I Realise that who I am is not just a collection of marks and grades in which I judge myself to be good/bad. I Commit myself to discard judging myself as good/bad, to accept myself and stand equal as myself, so that I may regain awareness and direct myself to what needs to be done to create a world that is best for all, which cannot be done alone or in a short period of time; and must be done as a group.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into characters that lived my life for me, such as in moments where I did not want to remain here and walk through an experience, I would abdicate directive principle to a character to pass the time ‘quicker’. When/as I see myself becoming uncomfortable/fearful such that I am tempted to allow an automated preprogrammed character to dominate for a moment – to pass time quicker or to not face myself for a moment – I stop and breathe. I realise that no stability is possible until I stop all Energy-generating activities, such as participating in thoughts/emotions/feelings, so when I not only have a cycle of energetic uncomfortability, but decide to fuel an additional cycle as a character, my experience of myself will obviously become more difficult as my attention to reality is given away to the Mind, while I float in my head alone in a positive feeling which I KNOW has no real significance to supporting anything in any way but a contrived creation as the Mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define priorities according to what I perceive/interpret myself to be lacking to face my world and my reality. When/as I see myself walking priorities out of fear of being inferior, I stop and breathe. I realise that walking priorities does not require a single thought/emotion/feeling, therefore the thoughts/emotion/feelings I am having about walking priorities is just to create more energy within myself than actually assisting and supporting me to walk priorities. I commit myself to stop and let go of all thoughts/emotions/feelings I have attached to walking a priority because the thought/emotion/feeling does not assist or support me to walk priorities in any way.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to alter and change my personality by/through using thoughts/emotions/feelings to create a character to appease my own insecurity about my previous character before I manipulated myself with thoughts/emotions/feelings. When/as I see myself participating in thoughts/emotions/feelings that activate a character, indicated in a shift in physical movement and facial gestures, I stop and breathe. I realise that not a SINGLE character I create with my Mind, practically manifested as preprogrammed thoughts/emotions/feelings, are who I am in reality. I commit myself to let go of each character that is triggered in any moment, because who I am is within/as breath, not the ‘breath’ of the Mind as thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hide and suppress insecurities as fears I have about myself facing and surviving in the world by/through copying characters that I perceived to give me the greatest chance of survival and winning. When/as I see myself being nervous about applying myself in a new context/environment/activity that I feel tempted to abdicate responsibility in fact to a character, I stop and breathe. I realise the stupidity of trusting a character over myself to direct myself because I have not investigated the consequences of allowing a character to dictate my participation. I commit myself to investigate exactly what I am doing within myself and in my world when I allow a character to dominate my participation. I commit myself to stop abdicating my participation to characters because I have not investigated what I have to do to be/become the character and whether this is best for all or not.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance outside of myself by/through creating characters and being/becoming characters and testing characters for the one with the highest proportion of acceptance. When/as I see myself becoming a character to feel accepted by my world, I stop and breathe. I realise that all feelings of acceptance I interpret to be receiving from my world is not real because the character is being accepted, and at all times I alone am the only one creating the feeling of being accepted so who am I looking for acceptance in fact but myself. I commit myself to stop abdicating responsibility for accepting myself to characters designed to ‘win over’ acceptance of my world before I give permission to myself to accept myself and instead, I commit myself to accept myself for the consequences I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to evaluate myself only according to my weaknesses, such that I would judge myself for my weaknesses in my thoughts. When/as I see myself judging myself for the weaknesses I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, I stop and breathe. I realise that a weakness that I have is only because I accepted and allowed myself to do what needs to be done to be/become the weakness over a period of time of consistent and diligent application. I commit myself to interrupt the consistent and diligent application of reinforcing weaknesses that I previously accepted and allowed, to stop accumulating consequences and instead direct myself to live that which is best for all, by/through pushing through each moment’s resistance to apply myself in a process of developing points that effectively and practically serve what is best for all, measured in a daily process of accumulation/progress.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to panic, react in fear, judgment, anxiety, stress, haste, apathy, blame, boredom, impatience, and anger when I reveal to myself in brutal self honesty the consequences of my own accepted and allowed weakness, that I clearly practiced over a period of time before it became an automated habit/pattern. When/as I see myself doing anything and everything BUT direct myself within/as my own weakness – which is like a thought that is able to think of everything yet nothing – , I stop and breathe. I realise that the ONLY way to stop the consequences of accepted and allowed weaknesses as ineffective habits/patterns of living, is to remain self honest about the actual harm that I create through my acceptance and allowance of each and every weakness to continue and within/as a starting point of self honesty, immediately correct myself and do the obvious point to stop the weakness as a matter of self realisation and self standing; there are consequences to remaining lazy that I would realise and act on through immediate self correction, if I were in fact self honest.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a ‘gaping hole’ that I want/need/desire to cover up/hide/suppress through physical behaviours like slouching, looking downward, craning my head as if I am victim to being submissive and quiet as if my environment is forcing me to remain quiet. When/as I see myself participating in these physical behaviours – slouching, looking downward, craning my head forward – I stop and breathe. I realise that the uncomfortable experience will not stop until I stop causing the experience within me, and I do not direct myself to stop causing the experience when I react and run away to physical behaviours that seem to offer a moment of relief, when the temporary ‘comfort’ ends up intensifying the uncomfortable experience. I commit myself to stop avoiding uncomfortable experiences with physical behaviours, to instead utilise that same moment to see/realise/understand myself as the cause of my own uncomfortable experience within the thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, beliefs, judgments, etc. that are triggered that I would clearly see when I remain here with myself. I commit myself to not accept or allow anything less than slowing down in each and every moment of breath that I participate in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the belief that my environment is forcing me to work at a prescribed pace, out of the excuse/justification that my participation is now being regularly measured and judged with tests, quizzes, exams, and assignments and that my future opportunities depended on the marks I earned. When/as I see myself reacting to/towards my environment ‘looking over my shoulder’ to see what I am up to, or what I am doing, I stop and breathe. I realise that no matter what happens in my world and reality, I am responsible for the decision I make in response to what is here in my world and reality, and in every decision exists the free choice of supporting what is best for all, or supporting what is best for me alone. I commit myself to investigate my own reactions to/towards the point that we are constantly and continuously being measured by our environment.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
This entry was posted in 7 Year Journey To Life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Day 109: Acceptance As Precursor To Manipulation

  1. Pingback: Day 113: Disappointed At Myself Means Disappointed At My World | Kasper's Journey To Life

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s