(Posts are varying in length. This point must be corrected.)
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “less than a human being/others” out of the excuse of a past moment when I read the written comments on my first report card to great shock/negative reaction within me. When/as I see myself treating myself as ‘less than’ other people out of the excuse/reason that I apparently have less skills/achievements/positive personality traits than them, I stop and breathe. I realise that when I see myself as less than anything in the world, I am defining myself according to the pursuit of happiness indicating that I am still coveting and desiring things out of greed/personal gain alone, comparing myself in my thoughts to my OPINIONS about success, achievement, wealth, happiness, fulfillment, love, greatness, intelligence – which in the end is fear of having no money. Within this, I realise that everything I know about success, wealth, intelligence, etc. are useless opinions because if I slow down and direct myself to investigate the knowledge – virtually all of it are points that I am NOT in fact applying in reality. I commit myself to stop victimizing myself to my own mood to instead, direct myself through breathing to bring myself back to the stable point of what is actually here in my world, and in this my memories and reactions and moods are not actually here in my world able to be seen/experienced by all, so I stop myself from allowing the reaction from compromising my participation in this moment to instead bring myself back to fully participating in/aware of the task at hand.
I Forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the statement that I left ‘everyone’/the world with something left to be desired of me. When/as I see myself interpreting who I am to have something to be left desired – interpreting myself to be lacking something that I believe/perceive my world is expecting of me – I stop and breathe. I realise that in terms of actually having my world telling me in physical, spoken words that I am lacking, nothing of what my world has said about me made my own self-definition possible. I commit myself to investigate myself as my own reactions and projections about who I think/believe/perceive I am, because my world is not the direct cause that is constantly and continuously drilling the self definition in me: I am, and only I am capable of being here with myself 24/7 to continuously remind myself of who I apparently am – such as a person that leaves much to be desired – which leaves the question: do I have to constantly remind myself of who I am with a constant train of backchat to be/live/apply who I am?
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what external authorities believe/perceive me to be, in which I interpret these beliefs according to the standards external authorities place in direct relationship to me, such as how in the past, I defined myself according to how my mother was disappointed with me, in which I believed was because of not achieving high marks at school. When/as I see myself defining who I am according to an external authority’s opinion of me, I stop and breathe. I realise that when I am facing an authority’s opinion of me, I am actually facing my own backchat about me as the judgments I create about who I am and who I am not, what I have done and not done to the best of my ability, and instead of walking the timelines to change my acceptances and allowances, I abuse such parts of myself to use as fodder to slander myself in my own backchat. I commit myself to stop abusing myself as my own accepted and allowed behaviour and habits/patterns, to instead direct and align the behaviours and habits/patterns through a daily, measurable process of self correction and to clear the relationship I have created to/towards irresponsible behaviour and habits/patterns to instead face my own accepted and allowed habits/patterns through writing, self forgiveness, and self commitment statements.