I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to copy and paste behaviours that I have perceived to indicate intelligence, to make myself look intelligent to try and please my mother. When/as I see myself acting out behaviours that I have defined to be intelligent behaviours, I stop and breathe. I realise the stupidity of defining a word like intelligence on behaviours that look intelligent, within this I realise that there is a clear difference between looking intelligent and being intelligent. I Commit myself to stop the copy and paste behaviour and investigate what intelligence would be in a world that is best for all, and within this how I can live within/as intelligence in a way that is best for all, instead of copying and pasting secondhand opinions into my definition of intelligence.
I Forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to copy and paste my mother’s desire for the ‘perfect student’ – academic and social – as my own want/need/desire. When/as I see myself judging myself for not getting high enough marks or hanging out with enough people, I stop and breathe. I realise that this want/need/desire was not originally mine, and that I had copied and pasted this desire without investigating whether the want/need/desire was best for all or not. I commit myself to investigate the nature of desire and once and for all determine where I stand with desire.
More on this point tomorrow.