For each character, I would like to walk through each once and properly, so I am walking a structure that will be described in this blog. With this structure, there is a greater possibility of getting down to particulars/specifics of each character. So in this post I will lay out the points I will apply self forgiveness and self commitment statements.
fear of death if I commit to one choice and ‘lose’ the other
Image of me committing to one task and doing it for eternity, able to do the same task forever
Standing in dread of the consequences I have created for myself, right after I made a choice as an answer to someone’s question about what I will do or not do. In myself dreading the point that I cannot ‘uncommit’ from a spoken agreement to do something
Internal Conversations/Backchat/Voices in the Head dimension
“What if I make the WRONG choice and face the consequences for the REST of my ENTIRE life?”
“Doing the same thing the rest of my life is stupidity. I can’t be stupid.”
“What’s the point of doing the same thing day in and day out? That’s what I did in the past and look what I did to myself.”
hesitation, paralyzed ‘in between’ the choice to do or not do
feeling empowered by choice
clenching up shoulders and neck, eyes no longer seeing clearly, staring downwards at everything yet nothing, neck craned over my chest, shoulders cave inward towards my chest, eyebrows in a clench like something’s wrong
Memory of being in school as a child, a child asked me a question for a response and only later, when the teacher asked who was going to do something, the kid mentioned that I didn’t mind doing it. I committed myself to a choice within my answer and did not like the consequences of this commitment, so I blamed the kid for setting me up with the question.
– consistent sabotage of all changes