Day 126: Sneaky Movement During Competition

This is part of a series of blog posts:

See Day 125: Effects of Competition On Health for context:

When/as I see myself sacrificing parts of myself to compete, I stop and breathe. I realise that I do not need to cut myself mentally through depriving myself of basic mental states, such as the stability and self trust in my own critical thinking and comprehension skills, to become profitable. I commit myself to exchange moments of mental attrition for moments where I do what needs to be done to develop the quality of labour I consistently produce, within this seeing/realising/understanding that when improving my labour, how stupid it is to compete with myself, and that it is best for all to walk at the pace I am actually able to walk at because I will direct my reality only when I accept my reality as the severely limited considerations/opinions that I created within/as myself, for all of the consequences I cannot reverse.

Moving on:

The situation being me, doing something that happens to benefit another. Being told to do this through constant suggestion, and my backchat when doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the other for creating this situation in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I created and am responsible for this situation because I am creating this experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that self interest is inevitable when there are two people with only one bowl of dinner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for an answer to arrive for this situation, instead of moving myself to equate an answer for myself about what to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that my backchat and thoughts are my responsibility alone: if I do not direct myself to an answer, nothing and no one can be expected to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that this situation will ‘fix itself’ over time, if I wait long enough the problem will apparently go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my own part for creating the situation by/through waiting and hoping for a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself an excuse to be angry by/through abdicating my responsibility for the situation and my ability in fact to direct it as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise the simplicity of directing a situation as standing within/as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to FIRST establish clarity of who I will be, apply the decision as myself, THEN begin to consider my effect on others because if I am not clear within myself, my own opinions and biases will dominate my perception at the critical moments as the moments where I need to apply myself to change for real. In other words, I will never change until I am clear about my decision within myself first before placing myself in other people’s shoes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise the selfishness of imagining a shortcut of considering others first, while reality consistently reveals that I reinforce my own self interest when I do not deal with my own reactions first.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I justify remaining in self interest, arguing for my limitation, when/as I skip the step of Self first to try and consider others because not only do I end up misleading myself through emotions/feelings to be greedy, I further justify my own greed by saying “But I’m considering others”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay directing myself within/as the situation in real time, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound the anger that I justify and create when I delay directing a situation that requires immediate direction.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I leave myself in an oven to cook when/as I exert a choice to not immediately direct a situation that is here; leaving myself to compound anger until I explode and face more consequence.

When/as I see myself hesitating about how to direct a situation that is here, I stop and breathe. I realise that my hesitation of directing a situation originates from not being clear/certain of who I will be, so the problem implied in my hesitation is not about the situation, it’s about my indecisiveness with myself. I commit myself to establish a clear priority of who I will be, realising that I compromise myself and everything involved in the situation if I am not clear/decisive about myself: the foundation of all the relationships I experience.

When/as I see myself hoping that a situation will vanish with enough time, where I hope I do not have to face myself in the situation ever again, I stop and breathe. I realise that because I am equally part of the situation/relationship, the situation will not vanish with time. I commit myself to stop fearing the situation because the situation is a part of me, I am creating the situation, instead I commit myself to remain here with myself as the situation and bring the situation back to myself, asking questions like “What have I done to create the situation”, “What can I do to stop creating the situation”.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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One Response to Day 126: Sneaky Movement During Competition

  1. Pingback: Day 127: Self Esteem Within Competition | Kasper's Journey To Life

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