Day 127: Self Esteem Within Competition

This is part of a series of blog posts:

“The situation being me, doing something that happens to benefit another. Being told to do this through constant suggestion, and my backchat when doing it.”

Throughout our life, we are sold the idea that material possessions and high achievement will give us happiness.  Competition seems to make a clear divide between ‘one of the first’ and everyone else, so what this implies is that we only allow people who are ‘one of the firsts’/a minority to be happy, while nothing is said of everyone else/the majority.

But everyone needs to be confident enough in themselves to face mistakes and learn from them.   So in this blog I am deconstructing some of the beliefs I had about competition as part of a series to realign my relationship to competition because a huge part of my habits/patterns come from reactions to competition, based on limited information and little interest in trusting my own senses.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I cannot direct the situation that is here because of glossing over what I stand for/not knowing what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gloss over what I stand for as a human being, instead of establishing a clear priority and living it into myself and my world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that when I gloss over what I give as what I stand for, I become as careless and blind as inherent in glossing over anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray myself to be superior to one “puny” action of glossing over one thing, then use the feeling I created as an excuse/justification to temporarily lose awareness of the fact that all actions add up, including one moment of glossing over what I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the fact that glossing over a point is the practical action of procrastinating and delaying a task, so every moment I gloss over, I practice procrastinating until I become prorastinating and “Oh no”, this is who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that for my procrastination and occasional lapses in awareness to become automated, as a matter of practical reality I HAD to walk a process absolutely consistently and diligently to procrastinate until it became like muscle memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the extremely deliberate process where I practiced procrastinating until it became me, and how I already showed myself that I CAN be consistent and diligent enough to change myself when I decide to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that procrastinating was something I was born with.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that had I NOT practiced procrastinating daily, I would not be a procrastinator; like so many other habits/patterns that I just don’t have because I have never put in the daily practice, such as walking with my arms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that being aware of what is here is hard work that requires effort, out of the self interest of wanting to stay within/as ‘being unable to direct a situation’, because one part of keeping this perception is the comfort of staying the same, ignoring how I am harming myself through free choice.

When/as I see myself glossing over ANYTHING, I stop and breathe. I realise that a moment wasted is a moment forever gone, with no way of turning back, and each breath that I receive indicates how time is already running out to change myself, with no money/profit able to stop death from approaching. I commit myself to stop wasting my own time glossing over, to instead apply myself fully each moment and live like I actually have a life with a moment guaranteed where I will die.

When/as I see myself procrastinating, holding back and doing less than what I know I can do, I stop and breathe. I realise that every MOMENT that I procrastinate, I am programming myself to procrastinate so any consequences I face because of not doing enough is only ever because of me. I commit myself to become aware that I am tempting fate when I leave procrastination alone, where at some point, I will not be able to do what I want because I did not do enough: do I need to go through the pain to take responsibility for myself?

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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One Response to Day 127: Self Esteem Within Competition

  1. Pingback: Cryptoquote Spoiler – 02/22/13 | Unclerave's Wordy Weblog

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