Day 134: You’re Either First Or Nothing

“Shortly after I made some observations that I was frightened to face: there is absolute inequality being imposed between students by marks on tests. And already then I had a kid approach me and ask, “How do you do so well?” Somehow, I blanked out of awareness with enough frequency to get somewhere in the middle, but above it. according to the spelling tests I took.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self worth according to a mark I receive on a test.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my worth cannot be ‘greater’ than the worth that ‘high achievers’ bestow on themselves because of their academic performance compared to mine. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that my self esteem is only allowed to be stable when I achieve high marks in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that if/when I receive low marks or a lower mark than before, I do not deserve to accept myself and honour my self worth as a human being. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself into a number out of one hundred that I judge myself within/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am observing my world treating people unequally by/through judging them according to the marks they achieve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tacitly place myself in a position where I assume I am already right, self righteous, when/as I observe my world treating people unequally, “they” are judging them according to the marks they receive (not me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that when I observe others doing something, I am not doing/expressing something also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tacitly deny that I am doing the exact same thing, when/as I observe my world to be treating people unequally through the marks they receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that what mark I receive on my test determines my value to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that if the majority is judging people based on marks, I apparently have to do the same; or else I will see myself as weird.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear of survival to/towards not following the majority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not surviving if I do not go to war with others out of the excuse that this entire world is one big competition that I cannot avoid.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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One Response to Day 134: You’re Either First Or Nothing

  1. Pingback: Day 135: You’re Responsible For A Stable Life | Kasper's Journey To Life

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