As you may have gleamed from the previous introduction, the problem is making decisions out of ignorance. As a child, though I acted on many beliefs, I totally underestimated the influence of the Mind on my observations. And as long as I continue to leave the emotional charges to such memories, the actions will repeat itself.
I’m going to go through each event, list the problems, solutions, and rewards. The first event is when I believed I was not normal.
What reactions/experiences/mind processes developed from that One Moment?
After X critisized me, to which I did not react, X made a final comment: “Are you even listening? You’re so slow and stupid”
Then I had a series of thoughts within myself. Does normal mean to somehow react to such statements? Am I abnormal if I don’t? Then my chest area clenched in a reaction of fear of being abnormal. Previously, I prepared myself to react in this predictable way because from a young age, I wanted to ‘be normal’. So I already created a polarity of wanting to be normal.
What developed from this event was the first ‘drive to survive’ as the drive to become normal. I also reinforced the habit of acting on a feeling – without ever understanding where the feeling comes from, how it works. The habit of running away and giving up when I face fear was also repeated. Running away from the negative primed and conditioned me to be willing to accept an individual form of the pursuit of happiness and ‘chasing your dreams’.
The problem with giving up when a feeling of fear arises is that I literally open myself up to be manipulated.
The problem with acting on a feeling alone is that I make uninformed decisions, with the possibility of doing great harm left to chance. I accept and allow controlled information to direct my choices because I am not willing to investigate all things for myself and keep that which is good. I become lazy in being aware of myself and the consequences of my actions.
The problem I experienced was the loss of stability within myself. When I accepted and allowed feelings, happiness or fear or any others, to become a ‘deciding factor’ to my actions, I became extremely reactive to situations. When I became reactive, I do not consider all points, or investigate all points; I submit and ‘make the best out of’ the information given to me by others and myself, without testing the validity of the information. I rashly act before being aware of my actual position in my environment. Many moments where I compromised myself because a person triggered a reaction and I responded in the way they wanted, and I lost an opportunity.
Participating in negative energy, I leave myself vulnerable to my responses being controlled by/through others simply attaching a negative feeling to certain specific actions, opportunities, any point that they don’t want me to access. Then the information I base my decisions on become controlled, so my choice becomes controlled, and my actions can be manipulated to benefit others at the expense of myself; taking all the risk while others gain all the benefits.
So the consequences of reacting to fear, then avoiding the fear is not as simple as one would like to imagine it.