This post is continued from:
- Day 136: Abandonment/Aloneness Character, Introduction
- Day 137: Abandonment Character, Problem
- Day 138: What’s Wrong With Reacting?
- Day 139: Normal as Group Psychology
- Day 140: Solutions To Birth Supportive Norms
- Day 141: What Does A List Mean To You?
- Day 142: It’s Complicated
- Day 143: Too Busy Competing To Value My Human Body
In this post I am continuing to deconstruct the timeline of events I described in my introduction.
Please read the previous post for context of the self commitment statements below
I commit myself to when and as I blame myself as my environment for me ‘climbing into’ my ego at the cost of placing my human body as apparently secondary, to stop and breathe. I realise that all accomplishments and money I accumulate in this life is worthless at death, and the only accomplishment that remains is Life itself, and in this I realise that what I value is not money when I meet a person, I value them valuing my life, not my money or the projected profit of my labour as money. I commit myself to stop establishing a value system based on opinions, to instead base my value system on Life itself so that I value my own life and in this learn to value other people’s lives and their livelihood.
I commit myself to when and as I am experiencing abandonment, to stop and breathe. I realise that when I feel abandoned, I am indicating to myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to abandon others and I already know this, which is why I would accept and allow myself to automatically victimize myself instead of using my common sense to ask why I feel abandoned. I commit myself to expose to myself the exact ways/methods that I have accepted and allowed to abandon others in every way, as all examples of where I excluded someone for my own benefit.
I commit myself to realise the absolute importance of maintaining my human physical body, and the absolute fact that if my human body fails, all of what I have accomplished crumbles to nothing, for me to realise one point: I have never really lived, so I better learn how to live a real life with real consequences, and this starts with my human physical body.
I commit myself to participate within/as my human physical body as one of the very few points that share with me, in absolute specific detail, what it means to live and to give this Life to creating a world that is best for all, either this or I accept and allow my Life to be consumed like a fossil fuel to keep a dysfunctional world system in control of Life on Earth, and leaving an even WORSE condition for future generations. In this I realise that my human physical body offers this service for free, and only require that I am willing to live with the human physical body to explore and examine what is already here, such as the extremely detailed activity picked up by my physical senses alone.
“I enjoyed talking with other people, being with them, but when I asked myself how do I keep the communication stable and open, I didn’t have an answer.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a feeling of uncertainty to my abrupt silence when I asked myself how I communicated with people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when I realised that I was communicating with people, yet I did not understand the exact action I was participating in when I was communicating; so I would speak with X for a period of time, but I could not say in spoken words the points that defined my relationship with X.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in disdain towards myself when I realised that I could not say to myself what defined my relationship with one person, out of the excuse/justification that I was obviously the only one responsible for my communication with this person, and I was the one maintaining this relationship virtually perfectly, but I couldn’t say to myself why.
I commit myself to when and as I feel uncertain about how to communicate, to stop and breathe. I realise that any uncertainty about how to communicate is just an excuse, I remain responsible as the gatekeeper of my accepted and allowed participation in my communication with others. I commit myself to realise that it is impossible to be uncertain about what I alone am doing in relationships, so I commit myself to work with what I am in relationships and give back self responsibility to myself within my relationships.