Day 145: What is a Friendship?

Continuing to go through each event described in the beginning of this series, written to investigate my relationship to abandonment.

“At the same time, my relationships were gradually shifting to using symbols like TV shows and situations and past events as mediators to communicate, rather than speaking to each other. I did not enjoy this, and from intoxicating myself with energy throughout this timeline of events in the background, I was not aware of the process I walked to define my relationships into what was described: knowledge, you won’t get personal with me and I won’t get personal with you, this is my territory and if you tread you will pay the consequences kind of deduced rules.”

anger to/towards increasing layers of symbolism to communicate to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I was being abandoned when/as people were speaking through more and more abstractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for speaking in more and more layers of abstraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when I realised that at the cost of speaking through more abstractions, I was referring to people directly less and less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop at the feeling of being concerned that I am speaking to people less and less, from the perspective of speaking more about TV shows and past events than anything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abandoned if I did not speak in exactly the same terms as everyone else did, and the people around me were beginning to speak through TV shows and past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that friends are people that do the same things and basically are the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that to be friends with someone, they must appeal to me emotionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to ‘mould’ myself to fulfill every person’s emotions so that I become friends with everyone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I cannot possibly mould myself to everyone’s preferences and make a friend through this method alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself when I did not become very good friends with a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I am stupid if I cannot become friends with another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I lower my chances at survival if I do not make as many friends as possible, and each friend I ‘lose’ is like my future becoming more uncertain and volatile according to my imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that the more I copy what others like, the more I represent the majority and within this, feel secure that I am in the majority as the group that survives, out of fear of the minority that starve and lose in every way imaginable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my habits/behaviour to ‘stick’ to the group and avoid walking alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that people that walk alone will not survive because one person against a group always means the group wins, and the person suffers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that the group is more important and that I can reject myself to model myself according to the group, and ultimately benefit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I can just say “No” in my Mind and I will stop being what I am to mould myself according to the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore this physical reality that everyone share as a reference point for what I can and can’t do, such as the consequences of discarding myself to attempt to install a ‘new me’ that pleases the majority of shareholders/people.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
This entry was posted in 7 Year Journey To Life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Day 145: What is a Friendship?

  1. Pingback: Day 148: Copying Behaviour To Avoid Resentment | Kasper's Journey To Life

  2. Pingback: Day 149: Moulding To Fit The Mould And Avoid Conflict | Kasper's Journey To Life

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