Continued from this post:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop dedicating myself to a task only because of a feeling that I must stop before “I lose any more “internal resources” of focus, attention to detail, commitment”, which is just fear of losing what I have by/through ‘losing’ my own labour, where I imagine me doing all the labour, and the fruits of my labour being circumvented to another person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray a person which I suspect is conning me as ‘evil’/’bad’/’wrong’ and in this portray myself as ‘good’/’righteous’/’right’/’moral’ to further create a more convincing feeling to urge myself to stop committing myself to certain specific tasks that I see as important for my survival as my pursuit of money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hyperaware of the possibility of a person smarter than me, using his smarts to cheat me of my own work, such that I meet people with the assumption that people are smarter than me, in this validating the self definition of myself as ‘inferior’ – to avoid taking back responsibility for myself – and validating the pursuit of suspecting others of cheating me – where I react with a feeling of satisfaction when finding someone taking advantage of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I must fear people that are smarter than me because they can and “most likely will” press buttons that I am not aware of to make me do things to their advantage, especially at the cost of my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about taking advantage of others when/as I saw myself as ‘smarter’ than another because of being aware of a few points that the other is not aware of.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that when I stop committing myself to a task and find out that it was important in fact for my survival in the current system, just because I created a convincing feeling to justify myself stopping for real DOES NOT mean I cannot change this limitation/’my human nature’.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that within understanding the exact detail of a problem, such as my problem of committing myself to a task to consistently walk a point, I will only realise the solution as myself when I understand how I work basically.