After reading Creation’s Journey To Life Day 394, I had to test my own self commitment statements for myself.
What would be a practical definition of contentment? This is relevant because many mistakes I make I make because of not being content, “being off balance” and reacting to words/behaviours in my world and thoughts/emotions/feelings in my head. When I was very young, I knew less than I know now but now, I require to face the reality of survival. Though, I was more organized and completed tasks more thoroughly when I was younger apparently because of ignoring this reality – but in ignoring there are also measurable consequences that cannot be escaped.
Survival in a physical reality has a finite amount of variables: human body, directive principle, environment. In the long run, it is the choices I make that determine who I am and where I am in the world, in terms of the most important priority currently: money. And in this the choices are not all ‘big’ or long term, the most important choices has proven itself to be the small choices: choosing to distract myself with thoughts when I set myself the task at hand, remaining in automated movements of high/low periods, spinning stories to justify the negative experience of myself. In my childhood, choosing to be apathetic and picking entertainment over learning, justifying in my thoughts to be and remain in a passive position at the behest of market forces, deciding a moment to be bored and looking for tasks with no fruitful outcome like playing with a stapler, and so on. So content as a living word must be defined as a ‘small’ choice, something I can ‘work towards’ in one breath within myself through a self-moving process of “If I do not do, nothing will be done”. No magic/hope/feelings allowed, I should not toy with the real me existing in a physical reality with obvious preordained goals/outcomes to mast-er.
Using a day as a model: in a physical reality in a human physical body, some activities do not change: drinking, eating, shitting, moving, breathing. At the moment of this blog, an activity that requires much time is studying. From a point of self responsibility, in a way, the human body is a summary of all practical responsibilities because what I can do is only real if I express with my human body through thought, word, and deed. Words and deeds required to survive change according to a preprogrammed algorithm as “What I am supposed to do at my age”.
And I don’t have an answer for myself. Self honesty: I only see what it is not. I can also see that I require some kind of contentment to participate within myself in a way that is best for all, immediately because each breathe represents many choices I make with ripple effects in myself. Investigating myself through writing requires self trust, which requires contentment, which requires defining self trust, self esteem to not be given away to external events/circumstances, or what other people do/say/act.