I commit myself to when/as I see myself resisting routine, to stop and breathe. I realise that no matter how much school ‘knows’, what my life will be and who I will be – two most important points that directly affect me – depends on what I do from morning to night, where from a perspective, one day is one life, what knowledge I receive and whether I live that knowledge or not which is the living word meaning it is about my relationship with myself, within myself, which an indication of consistency would be a routine that I live in terms of what activities I participate in. Therefore I realise that when I fear being in a routine, I fear being consistent with actual doing but I require being consistent with actual doing to produce ANY result, and being lazy also requires being consistent so why not be consistent in supporting myself through actual doing through a routine.
I commit myself to use routine as a guideline of the extent of remaining ‘exposed’ to me being equal with authority, is my routine accumulating to an outcome of fear and more fear, is my routine respecting the physical reality of being one human body that require to ‘hunt’ and ‘gather’ and respect other human beings that require to do the same, by virtue of them existing.
I commit myself to when/as I see myself viewing my world through “manipulate or be manipulated” survival/fear mode, to stop and breathe. I realise that what I have become has been to manipulate other people but I did not manipulate myself to support myself in the Physical, whenever I supported myself in the Physical I was simply doing the tasks given to me, in the realisation that nothing ever manipulates my beingness so that my beingness is here, I am what I move myself towards. I commit myself to stop viewing my world as manipulate or manipulated alone, it is in reverse I am that which I see in others, I Need others to guide me to the parts of me that I ran away from. I commit myself to prevent survival mode as a frantic experience within myself by/through doing what needs to be done understanding that anything real takes time and if I can be consistent with me, I can plot how long a project or task will take and give myself ample time to complete each project.
I commit myself to breathe to remind myself that I am in a physical reality, no one can manipulate the laws of this physical reality so every person/situation/circumstance is like a wall where I will only hurt myself if I hurt myself with it, so to speak.