Studying for hours today was not a pleasant experience, but I did understand something new. The problem I created for myself is the ‘backlash’ of wanting a reward for my own participation, which is strange because how do I profit from myself, when the moment I take advantage of myself I compromise myself literally? This is basically what happened today and why I am writing this post instead of continuing with the self commitments. In the evening, reading articles then time to write and I delayed and delayed to ‘get more free time’.
So living discipline is not just doing the work, it includes periods of rest, right after studying am I content with the work itself as ‘its own reward’? Because studying should be like breathing: I breathe all the time and expect no reward or achievement or recognition because I realise how I would be compromising myself.
Everything I do is with breathing. I wouldn’t call myself hardworking because I breathe nonstop, which is something I cannot say for studying or any other activity in general. I wouldn’t judge myself as superior, demanding a reward I give to myself for breathing a certain period of time. I wouldn’t threaten myself to stop breathing if I did not give myself a separate reward aside from the breathing. And the results: functional and effective, with no incentives required. The work is its own reward.