Tests were the first point also where I was beginning to be censored, from the perspective that I could not ask certain questions, and in the context of tests, not a single question is allowed to be asked, or spoken aloud. Which was contrary to how I was working before, where I was fortunate enough to have any questions I have answered. So, in a way, tests in grade school were also the point where an entire body of adults agreed to together, force their interpretation of what the world is, and therefore who I should be, which included not being allowed to investigate the value of tests. But that did not change my interpretation of myself reaching into a cookie jar without knowing what’s inside it; a day later, without me knowing about it, I was conscripted into a entire way of life, through strictly dictating my routine through simple demands like weekly tests, and ignoring my labour in their equation.
So within this all was an interpretation that my work was being channelled into the entire way the grade school, education, testing system worked, with my answer being ‘rigged’ to always give my labour/agree totally and completely with the ideas being pushed. No meeting or asking me if I agreed, I was assumed and enforced to agree: I mean if I didn’t do it, I was told I would be worthless apparently, which was another first: being told that if I didn’t do this action, I would automatically be worthless in everyone’s eyes, and I would be barred access to my own life, as access to money through my labour primarily: I have always exchanged my access to my own life by pleasing my mother, tests were like saying, “Now you must please a collective agreement that you must figure out and if you don’t, you die”. Dictating me to do something and one of the first points in the world system that was dictating through brute force of manifested consequences.