I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I wake up with no thoughts, I am in danger of being dominated by my day and lose myself in the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a day according to an omnipresent force, like a market force, which I must direct myself within/as, out of the excuse that I cannot predict what other human beings will do today, which human beings I interact with today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that if I wake up with nothing existing but my immediate physical relationships accessed by my human physical body, I know less than others, and react to myself when/as I judge myself as inferior to others, and out of the excuse of wanting to “put away” the feeling I created, think about every scenario where I will be right as if to reassure myself that I will “get through the day without dying”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to others when/as I wake up with no thoughts, and in this participate in the thought, “I am going to lose and lose my life”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that reality is an omnipresent competition of existences and in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically judge myself as stupid if I do not believe in competition, out of the excuse that “adults compete to survive and there is no other way to survive so I must feel that reality is a competition of sorts”, which I do not feel when I wake up from silence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that if I do not compete from the moment I wake up, I will not be “running” at the pace that everyone else as the competition is running and I will end up in last place and lose my life for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define waking up according to continuing to run at an equal if not quicker pace than everyone else, and in this participate in the dream that everyone is apparently running towards something that I must run towards too, at an ever increasing pace because I believed that everyone is gunning for the prize so will channel all of their resources to move faster so everyone moves faster and the competition moves faster = I must move faster or else risk my own life.
