Intro for myself. To identify the problem as myself, to understand the problem I will describe the problem according to personal, interpersonal, and maybe universal perspective.
Personal. What problems do I create in my relationships with myself, when I delude myself in a rich character: it is a delusion because I am not actually rich. I become greedy in my relationship with myself. I abuse myself, so one example is I abuse my body by not sleeping before midnight, in accordance with my human body’s design. When I believe myself to be rich, I stop learning at such a “quick” pace, and stop my curiousity to learn new skills, which I would define as more specific ways of giving as I would like to receive.
The body is simple thing. What is “mind”? I convince myself of MANY fears which are not real. I deceive myself into believing I can put on a mask and get away with it, when I really don’t: because not everyone deceived themselves, so they see through my mask. Personal problems = problems I create for my body and mind.
So the motivation of listing for myself some effects of being a rich character, is to find the cause to stop myself creating this rich character. So the below is a list. In this the advantage of writing this out for myself is I see my bullshit in front of me, to realise why others simply don’t “do it the hard way” to learn to never make this mistake.
What is my “rich character” really? Severely underdeveloped skills, generally hard and soft skills. “Lack of motivation” to develop skills nonstop. Projected body language of “I’m done, I don’t need to do/learn anything anymore”. “More motivation” to chase after what is sold to be beauty. Emphasized disability to listen to anything that challenge my beliefs, which in the most extreme stage is a character, with thoughts, words, and behaviours; so in practice, listen and “somehow” miss part of what another person is saying, reacting in anger to certain things people say. The belief that I can con people and get away with it, but I don’t. Emphasis on made up reasons to stress and be angry.
Diminish myself from a human being to a useless doll/a “perfect” picture. So a useless doll, behind the feeling, is a human being deceived himself that he cannot give as specifically as other human beings nonstop, and obsessed with the picture presentation of himself. So a human being is only the giving as specifically as possible part.
Remain a child. A child is someone that chooses not to take the driver’s seat of every task he does, to maintain every part of his life. A child rather chooses to be paralyzed in fear and does not see a project to the end – make sure it works – instead of taking responsibility for every obstacle and producing a worhty product, so to speak. A child isolates himself to relationships he feels are safe, and defines safety according to ‘what he was told’/memories/beliefs/judgments, not basing safety on ‘what is here’/reality/the equilibrium between what he can do and the environment/situation/person.
Become a siu yea zhai. So “little elder” person. So before his time as an elder = before living the skills, walking the process to be equal to relationships to create harmony, only copy the appearance of an elder. So the appearance of an elder = acts mysterious, acts like he can do anything but have not done anything/much, thinks he can con/lie before knowing how something really works, reacts to situations in desperation/fear/sighing/anger/stress instead of facing/listening/seeing direct and directing reality.
Below is a shorter version with less words. Because the whole point is to change/stop myself permanently as this rich character. All writing is preparation only, here I am writing out for myself, the effects to find the cause and write that out too. Important because it’s more real if i can write the effect and cause, than think about it.
Summarizing for easy reference.
– no skills = no listening to others, more talking in/to myself
– fearing obstacles/MORE fears instead of understanding how they work and from understanding, implement a solution
– more greed
– more taking advantage, less understanding reality before doing something
– more defensive/offensive behaviour when my own beliefs are challenged
– more obsessed with a picture than reality
– more emotional = appearances of effort as frustration, stress, anger, etc., less reality of effort
– no motivation
– more hesitation
Summarizing my list of rich character:
Lack of skills, obsession with emotions/ignorance of reality.