Day 280: Beating the Positive Habit

Today I faced a point where I was facing the possibility of turning my world upside down, by becoming, in my eyes, a human being that has the capability of directing a learning process every waking moment. Meaning, investing all time I have into projects that i decide upon, which was vocabulary building and maths. Then, all too conveniently, I reminded myself of the cello and spent a night’s worth of reminiscing about the cello and felt good.

This is part of a series to deprogram my need for entertainment, such that I am therefore able to work without self constraint. Typically, that working requires an equal and opposite reward of entertainment.

Shortly before the cello spree, I decided that eating dinner alone was the perfect time to watch a Korean drama. And I watched this drama long after I finished eating. In a way, what I am facing is the obsession for positive pictures and images disguising the rejection of encountering negative point after negative point, as judged by me in my secret backchat.

I will be monitoring my weekly feelings (+1, 1, -1) to further investigate this pattern and habit of mine, with the objective of removing the need for positive stimulus. I have a feeling that what I will face as this world will be negative after negative point, so a good preparation for that would be to wean myself off the positive pictures and noises.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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