Day 281: I Have to do This

View the original post here

I will write a continuation to the commentary on this post to finish reading through the original post.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped in the idea that if I have to do something that is not aligned to what I want to do, I resist it and justify such point purely because ‘I have to do it’ in spite of all reason of the relevance of such point as to its actual importance and certainty of effect that will be best for all life.”

This reminds me of originally resisting my grade school routine of assignments and tests and labelling it as ‘I have to do this’, without finding a reason for doing it. As a result, I subscribed to the obsession for personal achievement, grades, and been shown that the vast majority of my education in school was all a sham – smoke and mirrors. I did not ask myself from the very beginning, ‘will this action result in an effect that will be best for all life?’ or ‘will this action result in an effect that is best for me?’

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of ‘I have to do this’ as justification when I feel like doing something regardless of the fact that when I would resist doing what is best for all if it is in the category of ‘I have to do this’ and in this way having the same statement as both a motivation and denial without even seeing that I actually have no credible standing within this point as integrity.”

So as long as I resist that which I identify to be best for me, thus best for all life, I cannot be trusted with myself or others, I have no integrity. Have a look – I say ‘I have to do this’ when I feel like doing this, and I say ‘I have to do this’ when I don’t feel like doing this but I obviously have a good reason for choosing this task that I now resist – maybe I chose it because of an evaluation which equated to my mind an outcome that is best for all life. Either way, ‘I have to do this’ indicates a lack of understanding the why and how I like and dislike a daily task, respectively, hence the ‘have to’ in ‘I have to do this’. The phrase is not bad, it is reflecting what I am missing of myself as the mechanism of my mind which judge and balance the energies of good and bad.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ‘I have to do this’ within the context of my survival within the world system in justifying the ways that must be followed to obtain money for survival, yet I am not willing to use the same point to bring about a world that is best for all that would remove the power that money have over my directive principles.”

So far I have been ‘I have to do this’ for investing in ways to earn money, but I should take it one step further; step back, and consider what can I do to bring a world that is best for all, starting with what is best for me to support me to such a goal. It’s clear that money has power over my directive principles: a person once told me that he cannot open a shop so easily because of the risk of having no money to feed himself and his family, and the risk of having no money to send back to one’s family in a gesture of gratefulness. If a universal basic income were implemented, he wouldn’t have to work a job he does not like 9am to 9pm six days a week like a human machine, as he termed himself. He would have the luxury that the younger generation are offered to explore one’s likes and doing what each one likes, while providing for society.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only use ‘I have to do this’ in the context of my self interest in spite of me being aware of the many instances that we as a group as humanity are supposed to act as a ‘have to do this’ to bring about an end to the accepted abuse through a system that do not honor life.”

In this, accepted abuse includes those that are employed yet have not had the opportunity to identify their interests and pursue those. I have listened to many in the position of juggling how to find their interests while maintaining their personal finances. If a basic income were implemented, what is important – your life – would come first rather than money for the sake of money as money has been linked to survival in a real, practical sense.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept religious books that impose ‘have to’ commandments in spite of these commandments being proven to not be what is best for all life.”

I have an alternative interpretation of this statement. The modern religious book would include the visual and spoken ‘books’ of entertainment, gossip, societal beliefs about money, one’s job, what university is, what each person should value as dictated by the world system through money, this is the modern religious book we write for ourselves through time. The insignificant moments when we accept a statement as fact and slowly have it miraculously become our reality. Example: I thought the only way for me to live was to accept a strict timeline from school to university to a job and when I failed university my acceptances of the respective values simulated an armageddon in my mind. Only time and consequence allowed me to be healed of this mental fallacy, which started many years before and waited like a time bomb.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my salvation in unproven ideas of faith instead of having the faith in the obvious provable actions of giving as I would like to receive of equality that would produce a world that is best for all life here now and all future generations.”

I placed my salvation in the valuation of ‘me as a perfect student’ and ‘me as a perfect worker’ – seeking always to please the authority in the respective fields (teacher, admin system). So now I am going back to basics and identifying what would be best for me – through this learning how to give as I would like to receive, by at least being a person that I would find interesting to converse with, and of practical assistance to another’s life in some way. “Future generations” is an important detail in this statement as it implies that what I do for my participatory habit in a day must prove itself to be beneficial – a public good – to all life, not to all money.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a money system that force me to have to go into debt as if life is valueless.”

Here I am still struggling with the harsh reality that the only reason why I am given a second chance is because I had money, and every moment I breathe, for a time, I imagined to be burning away money – money that I don’t have, my family is shouldering the debt. So here you see how money is debt based as long as a basic income is not implemented that mitigates this fact of money, and transmutes money into a fact of life.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an education system where I have to go for a higher learning where it is a proven fact that no higher existence is achieved and that in fact the humans produced are as flawed as the education system that is accepted.”

I have been staring at this truth square in the face since I can remember. Somehow I did not add 1 plus 1 to equal 2 to see that school has no interest in my personal development as a human being to function according to the needs of my life, it only has an interest to create me to somehow accept everything in situ and work my magic to live with it. So for a time I understand that the world is asking me for permission to stay the same, so I say no and tend to my life where I can, and sadly that privilege is only given to those that somehow gotten enough money from this world to do so.

Fact: the administration of education is stifling which is why tests are such stifling obstacles for students. They are basically interested in measuring for the best minds yet want to measure in a way that projects an illusion that everyone is learning well and that the education system itself is competently taking the reins for the education of the mass’s children. I argue, from experience, that entertainment in all forms have an infinitely greater impact on a child’s education and that most of what we learn that impacts our lives in the future originates from entertainment. I imagine it’s because the first thing that is given to children to play with is entertainment: iPad, TV, pretty pictures with no meaning or value towards educating a person to respect life, only an education to respect what I feel like.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the denial of having to do what is best for all life and that the fear I have for change has become a physical experience of apathy that I counter with the pursuit of happiness while denying the evidence that consequences are growing daily and will eventually catch up with me.”

How in the world did Bernard identify a habit of mine and express it felicitously is beyond my understanding. When I do something that I know is good for me, my first thought is the enjoyment of wallowing in apathy while consuming entertainment – mainly anime, TV, music, and answers to questions with no relevance to my life on Quora.

The consequences of my participation in a way, in part, catched up with me as I did not build my knowledge on a sound foundation and so I have to take the long way which was the shortest way to my success of being stable in my relationship with the money system of the world. I failed university because of an obtuse obsession to being apathetic on entertainment since moving to Hong Kong, delegating more of my time from reading books to entertainment.

The point is from this experience, I know that the consequences add in a tangible, measurable way: it’s in every breath I take. And it has been the one stable fact of life I can count on, so what if I counted my moments doing things that are best for me?

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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One Response to Day 281: I Have to do This

  1. Pingback: Day 282: I Have to do This | Kasper's Journey To Life

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