“It is suggested that you share this writing with your partner and see what is the real temperature and intimacy and trust in your relationship.”
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that relationships will fail if I have expectations that are greater than the reality of the relationship and I do not communicate and align myself to build intimate trust through effective sharing and immediate self forgiveness if I find that I react in some emotion or feeling towards my partner.”
Relationships will fail if I have expectations, and if “I do not communicate and align myself to build intimate trust through effective sharing and immediate self forgiveness if I find that I react in some emotion or feeling towards my partner.”
Common sense to me, except that I should communicate and align myself to build intimate trust with my partner. Your partner can be interpreted as the self interested, greedy part of you, that you should effectively share – privately or otherwise – and immediately forgive yourself if you find that you react in some emotion or feeling towards your backchat. I would add also if you find that you do not understand the bottom of your inner conversations with yourself.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I project my pre-programmed designs onto my partner that I would create a fighting environment where we would both argue for our limitations creating an energetic game where we would compete with one another.”
Pre-programmed designs may include methods of interaction, reactions – project my reactions onto my partner – , and ideals. Here the interpretation does not apply, you do not really create a fighting environment with yourself since you are your pre-programmed designs. In a way, there’s harmony in accepting and allowing your pre-programmed designs to guide you, but only if taken alone in isolation from the real environment.
This is a warning to be careful of projecting reactions onto people in general, because that disempowers you from stopping yourself and creates a fighting environment. Projecting reactions onto people makes you believe that your reactions aren’t your fault – it’s the situation’s, or the person’s fault for making me react this way. Projecting reactions onto people means I fail to take responsibility for myself.
‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that to create intimacy within my agreement I have to BE intimate within my agreement.”
Ah – I did not see that “to create intimacy… I have to BE intimate”. In other words it’s giving as you would like to receive, giving first, receiving second.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I would like to create a more affectionate agreement I have to give affection.”
To my mind, it’s quite a stretch to apply affection and intimacy in my daily relationships, but I see that it’s possible in the very small ways.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be guided by feelings instead of that which forms effective equal relationships and ended up disappointed and with feelings of failure and inadequacy when my expectations turn out to be different to reality because I did not spend time to get to know my partner and did not make sure that my partner will in fact be able to change to what is best for all life as that will be best for the relationship.”
Feelings are a strange breed of internal creations because it’s not subject to the physical forces in this world, or at least it seems not to be. Coming from a relatively affluent background, it’s quite a hazard that in the vocabulary of entertainment for kids, it’s mostly about how to get what your feelings desire. Instead of that which forms effective equal relationships. It’s become hard to articulate what forms effective equal relationships partly because none of it is preached in entertainment, partly because I never even thought of such a possibility to explore.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest about my life to my partner as I fear they would never accept me if they know all about me, but later when they found out the partner felt more betrayed by me not sharing than about my ideas of my past and how it may influence another.”
To be self honest about my life meant – in my life – to learn how to self forgive in writing, and how to speak up to me about things occurring in my life. In short it’s as simple as a bout of courage and self honesty to write.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realize that any new relationship is a complete package with the past of both partners as part of the package that must be investigated and released with self forgiveness to make sure past issues that have become part of the living tissue do not emerge to sabotage the newly formed relationship.”
It’s important to note that “any new relationship is a complete package” with all of each partner’s past. I can imagine that this is relevant in an office environment to sort out my own issues with other’s behaviours until I cannot react because I understand the root of my reaction, and that it is paltry compared to the person in front of me living this part. So you understand that it’s not easy to sort out your reactions.
What’s interesting is how what’s become part of the living tissue will emerge in reality, so it means that our hidden secret motivations, with time, become public anyway in a way because we also need to outburst our self interest in reality somehow to validate myself-interest.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that relationships are based in words and that unless me and my partner align our vocabulary to have the same meaning, we will end up miscommunicating and with constant miscommunication, resentment and judgment will build that will sabotage the relationship.”
Yes another interesting bit: relationships are based in words, inside myself and outside with others. So the way I see this statement, it means that my conversations with others will partly amount to aligning our vocabulary to have the same meaning, so we may communicate and no resentment or judgment “will build that will sabotage the relationship.”
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that money will play a major role in the effectiveness of any relationship and that if I do not play open cards about money from the beginning to establish trust and to see that there would be no issues about the past of money, the present of money and the future of money, due to a clear understanding to clear the past issues with money together, establish a present effective action with money to build a future with money that would support therelationship to develop in ways that would bond the relationship in its sharing, the money issue will cause resentment and back chat and the back chat will lead to the failure of the relationship.”
“the money issue will cause resentment and back chat and the back chat will lead to the failure of the relationship.”
“a clear understanding to clear the past issues with money together, establish a present effective action with money to build a future with money that would support the relationship to develop in ways that would bond the relationship in its sharing”
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that sexual ability is always an ego issue and that past sexual skills are not necessarily present sexual effective expression as the new relationship will require new specific alignment and the discovery of each other which must be practised regularly and with full participation from both parties to lead to a fulfilling relationship and that whenever an issue arise, it must be addressed immediately, because if I allow it to fester, it will become back chat as resentment thoughts which will lead to emotions that will influence effective touching and sex and lead to the eventual failure of the relationship.”
Sexual ability is always an ego issue. Whenever an issue arise, it must be addressed immediately (it may be addressed with self forgiveness).
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that effective self honest communication and an effective letting go through self forgiveness of the past will support a relationship to be very effective and a pleasure to be part of. Any thoughts that are in any way derogative or judgmental to a partner or any thoughts that would compare a partner to a previous partner or an imaginary partner are all indicators that the relationship is in trouble and immediate communication and self forgiveness to stop this secret position towards the partner must be done or it will grow in energy intensity till it burst over either in infidelity or anger or any other emotion that will be destructive and could be used by either partner to end the relationship. It must be considered that where there are secrets in a relationship, the likelihood that such relationship will last is not good.”
What Bernard outlines as important is what I have found important in my journey to Life: self honest communication and an effective letting go. Though I highly doubt any relationship with me is very effective or a pleasure to be part of yet.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that when I compromise my values and or cause my partner to compromise values, resentment as secret thoughts will develop with a judgmental blaming nature that will grow and imprint on the physical body until I become possessed with the energy and use the energy to bring change to the relationship instead of preventing these type of events with a self honest heart to heart that leads to self forgiveness and forgiveness of each other where each take self responsibility to act with integrity at all times within the relationship.”
Writing to gift our personal values to each other would be very cool/effective in sorting out boundaries.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have never been trained to be a skilful relationship partner and that education in relationships skills will improve the effectiveness of the relationships extensively and prevent failed relationships.”
Yes, I have never been trained to be a skillful relationship partner. What I have been trained to do is follow my feeling, and have my feeling decide the validity of everything, instead of adhering to that which will create effective equal relationships.
An education in relationship skills is provided in Desteni’s course, Agreements – Redefining Relationships, on the website desteniiprocess.com