“I commit myself to enter any relationship on the basis of equal agreement to directively form a sound foundation from where the agreed relationship can prosper.”
I suppose it makes sense that if one is going to go into a relationship anyway, one should make it count by making it an effective equal relationship – an agreement.
“I commit myself to investigate and understand mypreprogrammed designs, to effectively remove them before I enter in an agreed relationship for life so that I will be aligned to in fact walk my relationship with life as my partner and to insist that my partner do the same as there is sufficient evidence in the many failed relationships that relationship technology and self technology is necessary to prevent failure and to enhance effective living.”
Surely to be effective in an agreement, I Need to be effective with myself first as 1 + 1 = 2. Yes it would be most effective to clear all relationship ideas I have before I go into any relationship, to minimize any chance of cleverly supporting the ego through relationship. Self first, “so that I will be aligned to in fact walk my relationship with life as my partner”. Seeing so much shit possible to have a dysfunctional relationship, I would like to avoid or prevent that from happening to mine. So Bernard suggests that relationship technology and self technology is necessary. The relationship technology I interpret as the agreement course offered by Desteni I Process. The self technology I interpret as offered by DIP Lite and DIP Pro, including writing and self forgiveness.
“I commit myself to give intimacy as I would like to receive intimacy so that my giving will be the example for my partner as to what I would like to receive and that we as partners agree to not want anything from each other unless we give to each other to show by example what it is we would like to receive as intimate communication, touch and togetherness.”
This is a very mature way of viewing relationships in general: to give before wanting anything from another to show “by example what it is we would like to receive”. So imposing voluntarily on oneself the adage of “I cannot want until I give” in my relationships.
“I commit myself to give affection as I would like to receive affection so that my giving will be the example for my partner as to what I would like to receive and that we as partners agree to not want anything from each other unless we give to each other to show by example what it is we would like to receive as affection.”
The same applies with affection “I cannot want affection until I give affection”. I’m being educated on how to develop effective equal relationships, using methods exclusive of emotions and feelings.
“I commit myself to not enter in relationships by feeling, but by agreement as to what is best for both parties to make sure we start with common ground and do not end in failure because we rushed in high on emotion only to found out we were blind to the obvious.”
So I commit myself to place the relationship first, and feelings aside. To identify the agreement that both parties can agree on in the unspoken rules of conduct, to take responsibility for failure by preventing failure in this way. Heeding the obvious of what are relationships, disregarding my feelings about relationships through regarding what the relationship actually consist of. The position of each party, the responsibility if any belonging to each party, what will be shared, what will not.
“I commit myself to face my fears about the judgments of others and to share my past with my prospective partner so that it can be clear whether the partner will accept all of me or not. Unless both partners accept all of each other’s past regardless of what happened, the relations will not be based on a sound agreement and may fail at any stage. I commit myself to close all back doors so that no sudden secret issue form the past may become the reason for one or the other partner to use it as a reason to call the relationship agreed upon as a failure.”
To face my fears about the judgments of others is essential to face the feelings around relationships, so it is not only about focusing on the ‘positive’ as described in the above commentary, just above, but also clearing or facing the negative as both acts together form a preventative, lasting form of creation where one’s creation may be stable because one decrees so by removing the wild cards in one’s mind, the self interest.
Bernard is exercising common sense and is outlining the guidelines to an effective romantic relationship. And I happen to like how he only says “I commit myself to close all back doors”, in which I first ask, “What back doors?”, then realize oh, the excuses and reasons for burning the bridge or relationship, as an example. He mentions the example of having a secret issue from the past.
“I commit myself to as partners together investigate how words make us feel and experience ourselves and to identify the primary words we would like to live as our world and to redefine these words together so that we can be as one in the creation of our future together as we understand if we work against each other because we are not as one, the relationship is bound to fail. Thus, if we cannot agree to work as one in all our words as living words, the relationship should be failed before it starts.”
This would be extremely effective self and relationship technology offered free of charge: together, with your romantic partner, “investigate how words make us feel and experience ourselves and to identify the primary words we would like to live as our world and to redefine these words together so that we can be as one in the creation of our future together as we understand if we work against each other because we are not as one, the relationship is bound to fail.”
Being single, I certainly can investigate how words make me feel and experience and and identify the primary words I would like to live. But the main obstacle, that is countered with being with another person, is my ego and self interest, what I like as a unique personality vs. what I like as a physical human being in one physical body subject to the giving of many physical bodies, subject to the conditional giving from other human beings.
“I commit myself to be open about all money matter, earnings and debt that we as partners can plan our life together and start with a foundation of trust.”
This is a practical implication of understanding that money plays a major role in the state of any relationship, and is a measure of prevention is the best cure, preventing failure in a romantic relationship.
“I commit myself to leave my ego outside the agreed relationship and to explore sexuality in fun and entertaining ways so that both partners can develop an effective relationship with the body as vehicle of life.”
Bernard is really stepping on cultural values around sex, that it should be secret and sinful, he’s saying, “If you have an agreement with guidelines such as what I told you, then sex is just another activity infused with accountability and responsibility. You may have fun in accountability and responsibility/accountability”.
“I commit myself to make self honest self forgiveness part of the agreed relationship as that would ensure that the relationship will weather all storms, but the best of it is that most storms will be prevented through clear communication and a structured effective living style.”
Self technology as a subgroup of relationship technology, because a relationship consist of two selves, you and your partner. It’s actually quite amazing how Bernard distills all the relationship therapy profession into rules of thumb that one can immediately understand to follow. He also speaks from experience: he was in a relationship before he died, for many years in the same relationship.
“I commit myself to never compromise the agreed values of the relationship as that will lead to failure and we have agreed that failure is not an option and must prove that in our effective living by not having failure as an option. This will improve communication and the force of two as one will be very effective in all we do in this life.”
So this is valuing the reality of the relationship, the responsibility shared and the reality implications of living together, over your invisible noise unique personality, self interest, greed, call it what you will.
“I commit myself to investigate how I could become more effective with the skills necessary that will ensure that my relationships do not fail.”
Investigate Desteni, self forgiveness, writing as defined by Desteni. In my experience, if you try it, you will have many things to gain from it, I guarantee you yet you may have excuses not to investigate.