Day 373: First Love Trauma

First love.

It’s not like I haven’t been in love before. I think it’s the evolution of the hope of something better in this life and as such, is a disgusting thing. Because the start of this want or hope for something better – the fear of having the worst or worse than others – for me started in television, that told me a vision that a big smile can be plastered on the face of a child 24/7 for SOME reason. In spite of the obvious immense problems in the world that we are aware of from a young age.

The want for that smile to be mine quickly evolved into wanting the latest gadget, video game, television episode, and why don’t we throw in a female in there. Because when you have what you want, it’s never what you hoped it will do for you – you find out that the big smile on me as a kid’s face is useless, but the feeling seems too good to not be useful for SOMETHING. VERY conveniently, television gave me many examples to draw upon – or copy – to activate this godly feeling called light and love and positive and positivity, divinity and diversity in my life.

So is it clear how simple it is to pin your hopes on love for another person, only to most likely have that hope never realized? I never realized it. The point is this mis-education of people brings illusionary stress into people’s lives when it’s all just a dream. Love, in all its forms advertised in this world, is a useless thing that when you obtain it = you become a useless zombie-like state/version of yourself.

This discussion was brought about a Korean drama I’m watching where one of the side-characters gets stomach pains from too much stress, implicitly because she can’t indulge in her first love. It is equally ridiculous to becoming stressed to the point of mental illness because one did not walk the path of education, failing at university, failing at an exam. Or getting stressed to the point of taking one’s own life because of those reasons.

Anyway, I’d like to share that every time I got what I desired that was from the motivation of fear of not having it, I would become like a vegetable in terms of being elated and transfixed on the object of my desire being in my grasp. Due to the mis-education of people, how many of your desires are actually based on reality and wanting to give back to the life/lives that you have been given – Life?

So, don’t be a sucker for first love because once you understand your REAL reason for having this positive feeling, you will realize that it’s just another detour in life that is fervently pushed to be one of a few distractions to have you continue this consumerism downward spiral. To be reduced from a human being into a consumer of money, sex, and relationships is my experience with Love, positivity, light. I’ll end this with a paraphrase: a user is always just an abuser. You satisfied with just being a user of your feelings?


About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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