Day 381: Overcoming the Bastard That is Change Like a Morning’s Cup of Tea

Not as productive as other people.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the assumption that there exist people in this world that do not waste a single moment in their lives.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that holding a memory/idea of ‘a person that wastes no moments’ to compare myself, is no way to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete against others in my mind through merely comparing myself and my process and my state of mind/energy and my state of position in the world system/money to ‘them’, but as the psychologist knows: ‘them’ spoken in my mind is referring to me because ”them’ in my mind’ reflects back to me the judgments, beliefs, perceptions I am holding against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that the purpose of other people operating at ‘levels of perfection/productivity/stability/durability/resilience/flexibility etc.’ is to compare myself to them to come to the conclusion by myself, that I am not able to reach such a state and give up on myself completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ‘less than’ people that are more productive than me, as measured by their achievements which are supposed/believed to translate into money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as the raw ore in which in the confines of my mind, I must learn to take responsibility as ‘light the fire’ to smelt the ore to investigate all things in myself/my mind and only keep that which is good, which would be the useful metal derived from raw metal ore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be intimidated and feel threatened by people that do things better than I do.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cultivate the illusion that there must be a winner and ‘therefore a loser’ in my world-view, so that when I see people doing things better than I do, I would react to them and even blame them for my ‘experience’, the blame and the experience both from the starting point of separation/self interest/’the unspoken desires that motivate/define the term ‘my world”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the perception that I require ‘desiring’ what other people have to motivate myself to improve, yet I would not look closely at desire to see that it is the fear of not having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the perception that desire is what will guide me to learn how a person works to be productive, when in fact if desire is fear, my positive state is actually the most negative state that exists, and I ask myself this: How can I possibly understand how anything works when I am consumed by fear/the desire to succeed in this world, instead of being ‘consumed’ by being here to see the obvious lies I am living and perpetuating in my immediate world, to forgive myself shortly after these realizations as a way of moving forward/beyond self imposed limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the perception that hoping and believing that X level of productivity exists in me and that I am special because of having this potential, will guide me to do what needs to be done, when in fact if the hope/belief is motivated by fear, my positive state is most negative because my standing is not in reality, it’s in energy/emotion/feeling. Try feeling euphoric cooking pasta and watch you burn yourself in reality for being consumed by a daydream.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be humble by putting aside desire, hope, belief in an ideal future, to instead become involved in discovering the exact design of how I work now to output X level of productivity; to instead become intimate with myself, put out the ‘f*** f*** f***” fire with self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed the perception that productivity is a feeling as an experience to be had in my mind before manifesting it in reality, instead of realizing the common sense: how the fuck can I prioritize feeling over doing in this instance?

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that as a result of my mind, manifesting anything in reality will be a process of facing resistance within and without because of my compulsion to ‘have an experience’ before silently working on reality. Manifesting what is best in reality will be a journey starting with the mind/energy, and ending with the world system/money, and that my self forgiveness would reflect such a process with each point I face within myself, by virtue that change within must be reflected as change without for process to be real, change that is real will change my world. To be real.

About Kasper Kwan

Currently supporting myself in the process of establishing my words in the physical principles of Oneness and Equality. Had to start this process because I have allowed and accepted my words to be established in the mental idea of self-interest/greed, and only realised this recently.
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